New Year Resolution

Tis that time of year when folk make ‘New Year Resolutions’. They are usually of the preachy, puritanical ilk: eat less; eat healthier; stop smoking; drink less; exercise more, etc, etc. All very laudable, I’m sure. Ordinary people should always take heed of experts who exhort toward the virtuous and healthy. No matter that the particular guru is some obese wheezy old cove whose corpulence prevents visualisation of their private parts while standing up and standing to attention. I’m reminded of the running fanatic, Jim Fixx, who died jogging at the tender age of 52. A man so dedicated to healthy living that in the end he forgot how to live. Although he made a great looking cadaver.

I’ll be making no resolutions this year. It wouldn’t make any difference anyway as I’m a paragon of health, virility and innate wholesome goodliness. My body is not so much a temple, more of a ferret refuge with knobbly bits. My resting heart rate is a sedate 140 flutters per minute, with the occasional breathless stoppage, thus I’m in harmonious tune with the common harvester vole. And let’s face it, is there any other creature healthier than the common harvester vole? They certainly have an extremely low body mass index to armpit hair ratio. And although they live only two vole years, this represents 110 dog years. I rest my case, M’lud.

Common Harvester Ferret

As I pass the full length mirror in my home, stark bollock naked, I often linger and tarry a while to regard my majestic form. As I stare, pose and demonstrate guileless poise, my gaze is relentlessly drawn to my triple nipple as it throbs in synchrony to the cacophony produced by the ‘Sugars Babes’ emanating from the neighbour’s radio device. If in a jaunty mood I am moved to throw a cascade of silver glitter on the moist orb. With a little jiggling I can marshal cascades of light to dance merrily on the nearby stucco wall. O the humanity!

Take it away, Flaxen:

“I'm busy throwing hints that he keeps missing (throb) Don't have to think about it
I Wanna kiss and
Everything around it but he's too distant
I wanna feel his body
I can't resist it

I know my hidden looks can be deceiving (throb) But how obvious should a girl be?
I was taken by the early conversation piece
And I really like the way that he respect me

I've been waiting patiently for him to come and get it (throb) I wonder if he knows that he can say it and I'm with it
I knew I had my mind made up from the very beginning
Catch this opportunity so you and me could feel it 'cos

If you're ready for me boy (throb) You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control

I'm busy showing him what he's been missing (throb) I'm kind of showing off for his full attention
My sexy ass has got him in the new dimension
I'm ready to do something to relieve this mission

After waiting patiently for him to come and get it (throb) He came on through and asked me if I wanted to get with him
I knew I had my mind made up from the very beginning
Won't miss this opportunity so you and me could feel it 'cos

If you're ready for me boy (throb) You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control

If you're ready for me boy (throb) You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control

I've been dropping so many hints (throb) You’re still not getting it
Now that you’ve heard everything I have to say
Where we gonna go from here?

After waiting patiently for him to come and get it (throb) He came over and asked me if I wanted to get with him
I knew I had my mind made up from the very beginning
Won't miss this opportunity so you and me could feel it 'cos

If you're ready for me boy (throb) You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control

If you're ready for me boy (throb) You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control
(I control)

If you're ready for me boy (throb) (For me boy)
You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
(Oh, oh)
You're gonna miss the freak that I control

Ohhhhhhhh Ohhhhh Ohhhhhh throb, throb, twinkle, twinkle”

Nuff said