Tuesday 25 July 2017


Beware of bears bearing no underwear should be the watchword for any prudent individual. Methinks piglet should be justifiably worried. A bear in musk is frightening to behold. Hang onto the nearest tree root Piglet and think nice, fluffy, pink thoughts. Nothing lasts forever.

As for Pooh, he is a very naughty bear and I'm sure he will show appropriate contrition once the white heat of the mating season disperses like a fart on a windy day. Advice to Piglet: find a nice cool mountain stream to sit in and idle away the hours in quiet rumination and contemplation. Next time Pooh comes a calling with testicles unfettered, run fast and far away and don't stop until Pooh bumps into a wood nymph or a slow moving mammal.  

Friday 21 July 2017

British Understatement

The little devils.... At least it shows ingenuity and a modicum of practical skill. I've heard that they managed to bag: one itinerant; two romantic couples; brace of Japanese snipers left over from the Second World War; various assorted pansy types  and a whole gypo encampment. Good for them I say. Anyway, tis a basic instinct to protect your 'home'. A place where you feel safe, far away from lunatics/zombies/millennials. I've always believed you should keep your home as long as you can protect it. If that means having to dig up the potatoes for a shallow grave, so be it. Don't forget to put down lots and lots of lime.

Happy hunting

Tuesday 18 July 2017

In a World Gone Completely Bat Shit Crazy........

As my readers will no doubt know, I have a pathological hate for liberal PC bollocks. My particular bugbear is so-called ‘gender fluidity’. When I was a lad the equation was very simple: there were two genders of the contrary nature: male + female= humanity. As I became knowledgeable in things biological I learned that a rare number of folk had the reproductive organs of both sexes. This is not to say that they had two distinct and discrete reproductive organs, but they certainly had male and female reproductive tissue with varying stages of development. I realised that these poor folk did  not fit easily into the male/female dichotomy and therefore I could envisage a third biological gender: hermaphrodite, or inter-sex.

Then something happened a few years ago when various ‘fruit n nuts’ started to manufacture genders to suit their lifestyle. I could care less about individual’s lifestyle choices. I’m a tolerant type of cove; I’m sure you have noticed. Although I’m not overly fond of gypos, Japanese snipers and Arthur Askey. What I won’t stand for is the PC Brigade and assorted liberal lefties imposing this nonsense onto me. I can stretch to three gender states, anything else is a mere social construct and completely meaningless and devoid of biological content. To emphasise the arbitrary nature of forced gender constructs let us consider ‘genders’ recognised by the Australian sex survey conducted by researchers at The Queensland University of Technology. This study identifies 33 separate genders. I have listed them all for my reader’s edification:
Transgender Woman; Transgender Man; Trans person; Transsexual; Transgender; Trans Man; Trans Woman; Female to Male; Male to Female;  Transsexual; Cisgender; Cis Female; Cis Male; Gender Non-Conforming;. None Gender; Non-Binary; Neutrois; Genderfluid; Genderqueer; Demigender;. Demigirl; Demiboy; Agender; Intergender; Intersex; Pangender; Poligender; Omnigender; Bigender; Androgyne; Androgyny; Third Gender and  Trigender.
And let us not forget the mundane but accurate designation- Male and Female. 

According to Facebook there are 56 recognised genders. Surely this just underscores the whimsical and capricious (nay, absurd) nature of gender insanity.

Should we pander to a minority of weirdo’s and inadequate folk living on the margins of society? Tis bad enough to hear the whinging, whining minority, insisting that we don’t assent to the patriarchal notion of binary gender and woe betide you if you call them by the wrong pronoun. Expect a shrill screech of entitlement. What is even more disturbing is the willingness of the ‘The Establishment’ to comply with this madness. The government inspired ‘Women and Equalities Committee’ chaired by British Members of Parliament are of the opinion: That gender should be removed from official documents and passports. 

These MPs are turning gender confusion into a judicial stance that cries out for  enforcement. The committee are also of opinion that the act of denying gender fluidity is tantamount to a hate crime and wants: ‘stirring up hatred’ against trans people to become a criminal offense. This includes insulting and derogatory remarks ie denying irrational gender assignment. It seems that the hard won right: 'freedom of speech' should only apply if no one is offended. May Woden forgive us.

If an individual considers themselves a trans-gender cis-trans, then good luck to them. Just don’t expect me to be complicit and comply. Germaine Greer caused a stir when she sensibly stated: “that transgender women ‘can’t be women", adding: “Just because you lop off your penis … it doesn’t make you a woman.” A lucid moment of sanity from an unexpected source in a debate bordering on the surreal. Rant over.

I’m off to my expansive Drawing Room to consume a quart of brandy and smoke a good cigar. I may be some time.


Watch and weep with laughter.......

Wednesday 12 July 2017

Wednesday Bollocks

Are folk getting dumber? Is the education system of the Free World failing its inhabitants? Why is it that women who obtain a degree in ‘free expression feminist dance’ work in MacDonalds and complain that they can’t get a high paid job as a ‘free expression feminist dance teacher’. Mayhap they should have majored in electrical engineering.  

In a modern world we need less liberal arts graduates and more scientists, engineers, programmers and estate agents. But people without intellectual smarts will always gravitate to the social 'sciences' (no such thing). They do say (the voices in my head, that is) that the service industry is a growth area especially since the decline in the manufacturing industry. So I suppose they are fulfilling a role. I’m sure a degree in philosophy is wonderful for your personal intellectual development just don’t expect to end up as a professional philosopher. Many are called but none are chosen.

This rambling introduction of despair is just a prelude to extreme asinine stupidity. Regard the following images and weep mightily……

Yep not a good idea to swallow a coat hangar or stick them up your arse either. Best just to use them for the casual abortion. You know it makes sense.

Sound advice, I'm sure: breathing under water represents a novel means of respiration and ultimately expiration. Cease and desist! Rain is indeed wet- please note for future reference. Also, be aware that rain tends to make other things, wet.  

This sign is not effective if you are very drunk. A large hole in the wall is easy to aim at and helps to keep the floor free of piss.

It is important to stop at 'stop signs' and further reiteration is vitally important, otherwise you may fail to see the original 'stop sign' and advance into oncoming traffic. As for sitting on the fence. I'm sure this sign is designed for folk who indulge in a particular niche activity. Judging by the bent tip of the 'spiky things', this sign is not effective. 

This library is closed and it stands to reason that it will open at opening time, otherwise it will remain steadfastly closed until it opens. What a strange tautology we live in.

Peanuts do contain peanuts. From a logical position, this 
proposition cannot be faulted. Nuff said.

Arse, big sore arse 

Saturday 8 July 2017

Bertrand Russell

Bertrand Russell in 1876

Bertrand Russell

There is little doubt that Bertrand Russell represents the foremost quintessential philosopher and all round savant of the 20th century. Russell burst from the womb in 1872 and had the good fortune to be born within the British nobility and consequently thrived- good for him. He received an early liberal education and eventually graduated from Cambridge University in 1893 with a First Class degree ( BA) in mathematics.
Russell’s mind was exceedingly dynamic and far reaching and he exemplifies the popular notion of the polymath; a man of prodigious and exceptional intellectual gifts. Throughout his long and mentally active life (d. 1970) he contributed majestically to analytical mathematics, logic, historical research and most areas of philosophy, except aesthetics.

He was considered a Socialist and a Pacifist during his life, although his views did waver between extremes during various geo-politico calamities. Prominent in his opposition to the Great War, for which he was rightly imprisoned, some of his latter writings suggest the possibility of a pre-emptive nuclear strike on a Post Second World War USSR. After 1949, when the USSR developed a nuclear retaliation potential, this sort of thinking became unfashionable, even amongst pacifists.

Russell was fervently involved in politics and various protest movements throughout his life. Despite, or perhaps because of his early views, he became a prominent activist for the nuclear disarmament faction and a dabbler in national and international affairs/politics. It is an observation of mine: men of profound intellectual gifts are moved to meddle in internal and international politics. It is all well and good that they should hold private opinions and views; however, they are often unfit, due to their mental temper, to interfere in matters that should be left to the second rate intellect which is the hallmark of the career politician. Alas, due to their intellectual status they gain an influence all out of proportion to their private citizen status. And in addition receive a high degree of protection and accommodation from the State. Russell’s pacifistic stance during the Great War should have earned him an appointment with the hangman, for treason (he was not tried for treason), or mayhap he should have been shot for grave naivety. I’m sure the world of philosophy, subsequently, would have been a poorer place from a pure intellectual standpoint however, justice would have been served.

His private life was erratic and quite scandalous for the time even amongst a class of Aristocrats noted for their loose morals. Aristocrats have always remained unfettered from the mores of the plebeian, regardless of intellectual attainment. One of his wives begat children from another man and he fathered a child to a woman who was not his wife of the time. He engaged in many affairs sometimes simultaneously. The man's mental stamina was formidable and only matched by his physical prowess.

Unlike many professors, Russell's prose is not pedantic and intelligible unto a few. Reading Russell is an absolute delight. His clear exposition of complex technical issues is sprinkled with a heavy dose of wit and laconic humour. As a matter of recommendation I suggest a close reading of his book: 'The Problems of Philosophy' published in 1912. This deceptively slim volume attempts to introduce the educated reader to the core questions of philosophical thought which have resonated with thoughtful men and women down the centuries. And in this regard Russell is eminently successful.

There are a few books I’ve read which have changed my intellectual perspective. If I were of a pretentious nature I would say that they changed my life, but I wont, cos that would be silly, wouldn’t it? Anyway, ‘A History of Western Philosophy’ is one of those books. This highly acclaimed and ambitious project was completed in 1945. Tis a mighty tome indeed and runs to over a 1,000 pages. It covers a span of over 2,500 years from the earliest pre-Socratic philosophers to the analytical philosophy of the early 20th century. An extremely difficult synthesis and a book that could only have been completed by Russell. On reading this great book I was struck by the depth and breadth of knowledge possessed by the man; it truly staggers the mortal intellect. What he manages to do, and do exceedingly well, is provide historical, social and cultural context to his philosophers. Each is considered within the framework and milieu of his time. For instance, it is impossible to consider the nationalistic tone of the late18th/early 19th century German philosophers without a consideration of the despoliations of Napoleonic France upon the German states. Or the role of 'The Enlightenment' on the developing theories of the British Empiricists. Past influences on the development of ideas concerning individual philosophers are brought forth to form a chain of advancing intellectual thought. To understand Aristotle you must first read Plato. Anyone thinking of entering into the murky waters of philosophy would do well to read this book as a primer.

On a mundane and practical level, I’ve used the book as a springboard into areas of philosophy which have piqued my interest, in particular the philosophy of the British Empiricists. The sublime philosophy of David Hume struck a chord and strangely enough I am able to apply the basic tenets to my personal and professional writings. Therefore, I must revise my initial opinion that Russell should have been hanged/shot. Perhaps a lifetime in prison would pass as sufficient punishment. And at least it would allow Russell to continue writing and produce works for future generations to read and experience wonder. Would Russell have been happy in gaol to peruse a life of quiet contemplation, far away from the drama of life, so long as he was not billeted with Bubba from ‘B’ Wing? But here is the rub: Russell being famous and an Aristocrat to boot would have languished in his own apartments. In fact during Russell’s first incarceration in 1918, the man wrote thusly: " I found prison in many ways quite agreeable. I had no engagements, no difficult decisions to make, no fear of callers, no interruptions to my work. I read enormously; I wrote a book, "Introduction to Mathematical Philosophy"... and began the work for "Analysis of Mind". Bertrand Russell (1998)." The First War". Autobiography. Psychology Press. ISBN 9780415189859. 

Methinks he protests too much. Russell was of an amorous nature and  unlike some philosophers, was not divorced from the pleaures of the flesh. Mayhap, over time, he  may have become extremely restless without a women's caress. And who can blame him?
So there we have it: Russell,  a man of high genius, high humour, high treason and perfidy. What more do you want in a Great Man?

Wednesday 5 July 2017

Bow II: A Trilogy in Four Parts

Expensive Firewood

A few months ago I wrote about my latest obsession- archery. At that time I bought a few bows and had a go at making my own. How hard can it be? A longbow is essentially a stick, isn’t it? So I obtained a piece of straight grained Ash and set about the project like a man possessed/demented. I plundered YouTube for information and purchased all the correct woodworking tools. I knew, with my C.S.E obtained at Tipton Secondary Modern  in woodwork (grade 4), I could knock out a bow in a matter of weeks. I should have reflected upon the fact the reason I managed to get a mean grade 4 was mainly due to my excellence in the theory and not the practice. Tis a shame that my Alma Mater burnt down the day after I left. As an astonishing point of coincidence, the fire started in the woodwork room. Predictably I fucked it all up (the bow, not the fire) and ended up with a piece of expensive firewood. I made every mistake possible but learned greatly from the exercise. No problem, I’m sure I could use the Ash for one of my many incendiary projects. The council has just inaugurated a lunatic asylum down the road from where I live. Of course you can’t call it a lunatic asylum these days. I think the council has named the place: ‘The Mental Health Unit’. The neighbours call it: The ‘Fruit ‘n’ Nut house. I’m starting to senesce.

Being of an obsessive nature makes me stubborn (nay, obdurate) and persistent. So, I decided to start again but this time I’m  making the task a little easier. I’ve managed to source a consignment of wide diameter bamboo (4 inches). Currently attempting to build a bamboo Asiatic horse bow. The handle and syhas (winged end bits) have been fashioned out of a piece of random hardwood I salvaged from a local dumpster. The next stage is to work the bamboo flat, heat harden and to shape the limbs. I’ll retreat to my ‘man cave’ this weekend for the final stage of the bow making process. Actually bamboo is easy to work, very forgiving and therefore I’m moderately optimistic that I’ll end up with a workable bow.

After a four week training course at the local archery club I’m a fully paid up member, together with my son. Our Saturday mornings, weather permitting, are spent at the club range. Afterwards we retire to the local pub (‘Felching Ferret’) for lunch and a couple of pints of foaming ale.

Now we come to my bow collection. Did I mention my obsessive nature? I now own seven bought bows. Most of the collection is of the primitive variety without sights and sophisticated appendages. Only a single bow has adjustable sights. The draw weights vary 26lb to 55lb. I confess I struggle with the highest poundage bow although it is a favourite with my son. I own two Eastern/Asiatic bows; one longbow and the rest are recurves.   

My archery is improving and although I’m no Robin Hood I did manage to shoot the neighbour’s cat, Fluffikins. In mitigation, I was very, very, drunk. I will keep my readers updated with regard to the bow making and Fluffikins convalescence.

Go Fluffikins

Sunday 2 July 2017

Sunday Dilemma

Ain't life's choices difficult.  I could add a few more places to the list. Tipton is too obvious. Although the place is the arse hole of the Western world I do have a certain grudging love for the place (no shit, Flaxen?). I grew up there and like all the best Tiptonites I fucked off elsewhere as soon as I could afford good shoes.   

The Middle East could do with a bit of a stir up and North Korea would benefit from a little thermal attention. General MacArthur's dream from the first Korean war would be fulfilled. And as for Japan- the nasty slant-eyed nips got off light in 1945. A few more would help to allay my long gone uncles Charlies' fervent desire. He, being a veteran of the Burma campaign, an all. Saw things that destroy a man's humanity. Also, it might cut down on the flow of Japanese snipers parachuting into the West Midlands.

Anyway, conforming to the list in the above picture, which I can't fault, by the way, my additions would make a tally of 10 bombs. I'm making an assumption that the yield of a single bomb would be 100 Megatons. Five of the nuclear buggers would be dedicated to Japan. That'll teach them for believing that Hirohito was a god. And, also, Shintoism is a load of bollocks.

Oh, fuck it make it a round  11 bombs- Tipton is back on the list.

Now, where did I leave my medication.........

There goes the neighbourhood