Friday 27 January 2017

We are all toast

Nutritionists and food scientists are keen for us ordinary folk to eat healthy. Yep, they regale us with tales of doom, despond and woe unless we do as they preach; less animal fat, less red meat, less salt and more fruit and veg. Sensible advice I'm sure. Apart from the nutritional benefits we are also haunted by the spectre of cancer causing chemicals lurking within our comestibles. A few years ago we were bombarded by the latest research which suggested that processed meats such as sausage, bacon and spam (NO, NOT SPAM!) were laden/ladled/larded with carcinogens akimbo. The simple BBQ also came under censure. Apparently, cooking meat over a flame causes charring and the black, crunchy, tasty bits are decidedly cancery (not a word in my lexicon).

Why is it that the tastiest of foods are unhealthy or harmful? Broccoli and sprouts are never on the list of proscribed foods. Bacon tastes good, red meat marbled with fat tastes good, spinach tastes like shit. The latest culprit to suffer condemnation is the humble stalwart of every nutritious breakfast: toast. Apparently diligent researchers have discovered that the darker the hue of the toasted bread, the greater the accumulation of the chemical acrylamide. And horror of horrors, acrylamide causes cancer. Ask any small rodent force fed unfeasibly large amounts of the pure chemical. And it is true that if you feed mice on huge amounts of the stuff, some but not all, will develop cancer. These are not just any mice, but special mice which have been specifically bred to be susceptible to cancer- an artificial breed of mice which eschews cheese and porks with unrestrained relish and gusto on the finest grade acrylamide powder. As one sensible Professor (not Mugumbo) put it: "Even adults with the highest consumption of acrylamide would need to consume 160 times as much to reach a level that might cause increased tumours in mice". Well said Prof David Spiegelhalter from Cambridge University. Or in non-scientific speak: You would have to be spreading the stuff thickly on your morning, afternoon and evening toast to experience the same dose.

So what are we to make of this latest research? I would counsel that the wise consumer should take heed of this undoubtedly sound advice, not a jot; not an iota. After all we are men, not mice. Isn't life more sweet and vibrant because we are doomed? Do we not experience excitement and expectation every time we masticate a morsel of grilled bread? Saviour and grasp life's fancy and feast on toast of shades various. Personally, I'm going to carry on eating my toast as nature intended- brown in the middle and black on the outside. I remember reading somewhere that the burnt charcoal bits aids digestion. I rest my case.

Wednesday 25 January 2017

Sunday 22 January 2017

Sunday Rambling Bollocks, Once Again

Yesterday, Trump was inaugurated as the 45th American President and the protesters were out in force, not just in the US.  

A few thoughts from the Flaxen haired one: The liberal left think that Trump's election is the herald for Armageddon. Even sober journalists (sic/hic) are waxing greatly concerning the calamity about to descend upon the known world - the vocal left are a minority but they do make a lot of noise per capita. Talk about drama. Most folk, I'm sure, will note the change in administration and quietly get on with their lives. 

Just a word to those who think that the world is about to end, at least as we know it:
Trump is not as free to implement policy as some would like you to believe. Modern democracies, the US included, have inherent constitutional checks and safeguards to prevent megalomania and despotism- this isn't sub-Saharan Africa after all. Trump may well be a tyrant with regard to his business life but things are a little different when you are the supposed leader of the free world. 

To his credit, Trump seems to genuinely want a dialogue and rapport with Putin and Russia. This can be no bad thing in the world of 'Real Politik'. Certainly international fences need rebuilding after the Obama administration. Talking of fences. The Mexico wall interests me. While it is not impossible it will be expensive. Seeing that he garnered a lot of votes on the basis of stemming illegal immigration from the south I suspect Trump will have to make good on his promise, even if he comes to eventually regret it. Personally I approve. The American border to the south is way too porous allowing unfettered entry to the States. For every one 'illegal' caught on the border ten will get through. People trafficking is a well organised and a very lucrative proposition for the criminal Mexican gangs who run the trade. The human misery should not be understated. Once entry has been gained into the 'Land of the Free', migrants are often in the thrall of these violent gangs who mercilessly exploit and degrade these poor folk. What they going to do, complain to the police? 

One suggested way to keep costs down is to employ incarcerated felons. Not a bad idea, but you can bet there will be a liberal lobby protesting against violation of civil/human rights. Should people who have violated laws and committed heinous crimes be denied human rights? I would argue, yes, at least for those, who by their actions, have shown that they are unfit to live in a so-called civilised society. We have to accept that some folk are irredeemable and for the greater good of society they deserve to be held in a facility where they can do no further harm for the rest of their corporeal existence. After that, it's god's problem.  

I understand that there are a 1,000,000 people languishing in American gaols as I write. Not all will be bad folk, I'm sure. From the American prison documentaries I've seen, most of the violent inmates look extremely fit. Get them digging, I say. The wall doesn't have to be sophisticated, a simple physical barrier with electronic censors on top will do. Remember Offa's dyke? 

Why not get the Mexicans in on the act. The wall would act as an economic stimulus for the Mexican economy. Just have to make sure that the Mexicans work on the southern side of the wall only.  

Finally, just a view whimsical words about the protesters. In the States we saw images of irate protesters waving quite aggressive slogans. A few were even spelticated correctly. For instance, I've seen: 'Stop Nazi Trump', 'Fuck Trump and 'Without Immigrants Trump Would Have No Wives' (quite funny). While back in England, one seemingly reluctant protester held up a banner saying: 'I'm quite upset'. Says it all, really.  

Toodle pip!

Thursday 19 January 2017

Black Salve

Regular readers of my eclectic mix will have noticed that I'm not a fan of so called 'alternative medicine'. Some may argue what harm does it do? I admit most alternative therapies are not only useless but harmless as well. I would consider the likes of aromatherapy and homeopathy within this category. Although not harmful in themselves they can cause harm indirectly especially if the patient delays seeking conventional therapies due to a misguided therapeutic trust in the alternative therapy. Steve Jobs is a sad example of the indirect harm caused by seeking non-standard therapies. Job's pancreatic cancer was a rare type with a high cure rate given conventional medical treatments. However, in his wisdom, Steve Jobs initially underwent alternative forms of therapy which were totally ineffectual. When he eventually decided to pursue a more conventional medical course it was too late as the cancer had already spread. The penalty for hubris is death. 

Black salve is derived from a plant innocuously called ‘black root’. The extract of the root is often mixed with zinc chloride to form a black paste reminiscent of black olive tapenade (ya poncy git, Flaxen). If you Google ‘black salve’ you will come across a number of ‘alternative therapy' websites willing to sell you the compound. Alarmingly, folk are urged to use the salve to treat a variety of skin cancers such as basal cell carcinoma. Tis bad enough that it is being peddled to treat this rather indolent skin cancer but some advocates are suggesting that it is efficacious in treating the aggressive and early metastasising cancer, melanoma. Even more alarming, is that the salve is often advertised as a cancer cell specific treatment which actively seeks out cancer cells sparing normal tissue. This is certainly not the case. Black salve is a corrosive compound which kills any tissue it comes into contact. It is not selective in the type of cell it destroys and neither does it ‘seek’ out malignant cells. Unlike conventional chemotherapy it is totally ineffective against cancer which has spread and established in other tissue and organ sites.

Desperate folk are not only encouraged to self diagnose skin lesions but they are also exhorted to self treat. The salve is spread as a thick paste upon the skin, covered and left for 24 hours. It is then washed off. Over a course of a few days the affected region delineates into an eschar- a solid plug of necrotic black tissue. Eventually the plug separates leaving an open wound. Depending upon the strength of the salve and the time it is left in contact with the skin, the depth of destruction will vary. No doubt there are some who are happy with the result and believe their skin cancer has been cured. The problem here is that many haven’t had a diagnosis of skin cancer from a medically qualified practitioner in the first instance and therefore risk treating a benign lesion which is totally innocuous. Consequently they risk horrendous scaring and disfigurement for no medical gain. 

I visited a pro black salve website the other day. This site actively promotes the use of the compound and also sells the product. I reviewed the testimonials and comments. Every comment stated how wonderful the salve was and how it cured their skin lesions and cancers etc. I placed a negative comment which drifted into moderation; predictably the comment never appeared on the site. 

Alternative medicine practitioners are promoting black salve as the latest wonder treatment and emphasise that it is a natural 'herb' product. The implication of course is that anything natural has got to be good and more effective than synthetic conventional medicines. They forget to mention that the most poisonous chemical known to man, ricin, is plant derived.

I've decided not to attach any pictures of the havoc caused by black salve. A simple Google search will provide numerous images of poor wretches with devastating skin damage caused by this toxic compound. This is something you won’t find on the sites actively promoting the salve. Sadly, the selling of black salve is perfectly legal and anyone can offer medical advice concerning its use. Anyone contemplating using black salve to self treat is advised to think again and urged to consult a suitably qualified medical professional. I can't emphasise enough how deceptively dangerous this compound is. 

Below is a video explaining all you need to know. Watch and weep

Monday 16 January 2017

Wedding Photos of Doom

I've been married a while (31 years). How my poor wife has put up with my quirky ways, my many whims and eccentricities over the years, I shall never know. When we married I was still a post-graduate student engaged in valuable research into the mysteries of Taraxacum officinale so money was tight and the wedding had to be organised on a budget. We chose our photographer from an advertisement in the local paper, 'The Tipton Bugle incorporating Smethwick West and associated Hinterlands'. The fellow charged the princely sum of £10 which seemed an absolute bargain. On the day he turned up with his wife in tow. He had a very modest looking camera but his missus was sporting a very impressive single reflex model. As the day progressed numerous photos were taken. The happy couple in various poses with family and friends. I couldn't help notice that all the photos were taken with the cheap camera and the impressive camera hanging around the neck of the photographer's wife seemed to play no part in the procedure. In fact it was never used at all. Most curious.
Two weeks later the wedding photos arrived. A motley collection indeed. Some at jaunty angles. Many were too dark and most were not in focus. O calamity! Lucky for us, my wife's brother in law had taken lots of pictures and they proved to be of high quality- thus the day was saved, hoorah!
For today's entertainment I've trawled, nay scoured, the 'netty' looking for amusing wedding piccys. Not so much as bad photography but poor backdrop, poor taste and inappropriate attire. Read and weep.

                                Shakira at the first Gypo wedding of the season.......

The expression of the Bride's father says it all. Well at least she saved on the expense of a wedding dress.

I told them not to invite 'Stinky Eric'. Give him vodka after midnight and he turns into a prince, trust me 

Shit on a stick, these gels know how to have a good time. I wonder which one will end up with 'Stinky Eric'. Er I'm betting tis the one who loses the power of binocular vision- all three then

Let us drink to the happy couple. If I were the groom I'd be drinking, a lot. That is definitely a ten pint woman, if that what she be.

Arrgh, arrgh, my beautiful blue eyes. I've kept the image small so as not to overload the senses. Not so much a dress, more of a self contained ecosystem complete/replete with species previously unknown to man. I'm guessing that the ladies featuring in picture one of this sequence somehow belong to this bride, Shakira inclusive

To finish, I propose a soothing salve to calm the beating breast. Listen, be still and let calm thoughts wash over you..........

Friday 13 January 2017

The Star of Bethlehem

Symbolism, all is symbolism
You could argue that I've left it a couple of weeks too late to write about the nativity. Although to be fair, it is highly unlikely that Jesus was born on the 25th December. The celebration was simply imposed by the early Christian church on a pre-existing pagan festival. The same happened with Easter which was originally a pagan fertility festival replete with its own goddess, Eastre. In this post I would like to consider the famed Star of Bethlehem. The star is the staple of every school nativity scene. Of the four New Testament Gospels, the star appears in Mathew only. The other synoptic gospels and John are remarkably silent on the topic. Quite sensible modern scientists and astronomers have applied their skills to identify a cosmic phenomenon to explain the Star of Bethlehem. The main problem is that we don't know exactly the year Jesus was born. This may come as a surprise to most folk as our calendar is set rather precisely to Jesus' supposed birth date. The birth date was worked out by a Roman monk, Dionysius Exiguus, in 525AD based on internal gospel evidence. This methodology is heavily flawed mainly due to the historical errors within the biblical accounts themselves. Modern biblical scholars, after reviewing all evidence, prefer a birth date between 6BC to 4BC.
Therefore, if we are being prosaic and looking for a natural celestial phenomenon to explain the ‘star’ it would be useful to review its characteristics as outlined in Mathew. Take it away, Flaxen:
1. It suddenly became visible in the East and shone for a limited period.
2. The Magi followed the star which moved before them.
3. The star stopped over Bethlehem.
Therefore if a real phenomenon, it must be in accord with the above constraints. Plausible possibilities are considered below:
Supernova: star which undergoes a cataclysmic explosion toward the end of its life. These objects can be exceedingly bright and previous supernovae have been visible during the daytime. They also maintain their bright status for a limited time. Thus, they fulfil two of the criteria as outlined above. However, they are static objects and do not travel across the sky.
Fortuitous conjoining of planets: Rarely, several planets may come close and lie in conjunction giving rise to 'one' large bright object. Or a planet may come close to a bright star. I don't find this explanation particularly convincing myself. I think the ancients would have seen the phenomenon for what it was. Wise men and sheppards alike would have been too well acquainted with mundane celestial events to be fooled into thinking that they were observing anything special or unique.
Comet: Comets are travelling cosmic aggregates of ice and dirt. When they come close they can be spectacular objects. Comets consist of a central glowing core with a long flowing incandescent tail of sun illuminated debris. They are transient, and travel relatively slowly across the sky. On the face of it they represent the most promising celestial event to account for the Star of Bethlehem. And indeed Chinese astronomers did report the presence of a comet in 5BC.
If only things were that simple. In fact the attempt to reconcile astronomic events with the Star of Bethlehem as described by Mathew is quite problematic. Mathew is quite specific in his descriptions with regard to the movement of the 'star'. It arose in the East, appeared over Jerusalem before turning south to reside over Bethlehem. This would have been a singular event if it had occurred however there are no contemporary independent reports of this rather unique and startling event.
I’ve been disingenuous and do not take the forgoing explanations seriously, at all. The assumption flowing throughout the above account is that the nativity story described by Mathew represents some kind of historical account that a modern educated person would understand as history. The other point I would like to make is that we interpret the story through a Western Christian perspective which has been dominant, in the West, for the past 15 hundred years. We often lose sight of the fact that the gospels were written by Jews saturated with Jewish religious tradition. Furthermore, the gospel writers reviewed and wrote according to their own historical and cultural traditions. They were a pre-scientific people and understood causality not in modern terms, but within the framework of the miraculous. Their god was everywhere, intimate and responsible for everything. Jewish literature is replete with a literary device called midrash. Although there are several forms of midrash I will concentrate on one aspect as defined by the Jewish Encyclopaedia: The attempt to penetrate into the spirit of the text, to examine the text from all sides, to derive interpretations not immediately obvious, to illustrate the future by appealing to the past. According to this principle, Old Testament tracts have been plundered and interwoven into New Testament gospels. There are numerous examples of this technique within the New Testament. If we examine the text of Mathew in this light we can interpret the relevant passages quite differently. Thus, the ‘star’ is part of Old Testament prophecy. If we turn to the Book of Numbers we read: “a seer from the East who saw the star of David rise and came to bless the king of the Jews” (Numbers, 22-24). The star here is associated with King David. Jesus as the Messiah, is of course associated with David by natural descent as this is a strict requirement for the 'anointed one'. We don't observe a perfect textural match, but the symbolism of the ‘star’ and prophecy would have been apparent for those who could read it right. Therefore, the gospels should be viewed through a Jewish theological lens and the texts not taken literally. The gospels emphasise and accentuate religious meaning as it draws on previous religious literature- this is not literalism and it is not history either; fundamentalists should take note.
Of course fundamentalists do not take note and every word emanating from the Bible is absolute truth. This is where coherent debate ends and I am more than happy to leave bible literalists and fundamentalists to dwell under their carapace of simplistic religious devotion and dogma.

Sunday 8 January 2017

Important research elucidated

Before reading my eminent and most illuminating research paper below, the reader is strongly recommended to read my previous paper in this series. The link is emphasised in the introduction. 

Further research into correlations between intellectual deficit and non-standard names: Investigation into parental names and influence through generations

Tip. J. Int. Res: 70 (3) 98-102. 2017 

Dr Saxon, F and Prof Mugumbo, L. Tipton Institute of Difficult Shit and Stuff, UK.

In our previous seminal paper: A systematic approach to assess the impact of non-standard names on intelligence quotients (IQ): A retrospective study, we demonstrated beyond statistical doubt, that piss poor names assigned to children have a positive and consistent correlation with profound intellectual deficit. While compounding environmental factors cannot be totally discounted, it was conjectured that their influence, if any, remains negligible. Also in our previous paper we pondered whether parental intellectual status may have a role to play. In accord with the accepted dogma that intelligence is mainly determined by genetic factors we set out to measure parental IQs of children endowed with diabolical first names as a means of unearthing hereditary influences. In this paper we are concerned and consumed to investigate parental names and their underlying role on the intellectual status of their offspring as well as the parents themselves. In addition, it was noted if one (unilateral) or both parents (bilateral) had sub-normal names.

As always, the Tipton census was a valuable resource and repository for data. Please review our criteria concerning what constitutes a ‘fucking shit name’. One thousand crap children names were utilised and exploited during this study. In this way we were able to identify and extrapolate to parental names and subsequent influences.
Parental names were assigned to one of three categories as elucidated below:
Category 1. Where both parents are deemed to be recipients of normal, nice names. Names that require no harsh and arbitrary judgement by those acquainted with their given names. Names which do not grate on the sensibilities or categorise the owner as belonging to the lower strata of the social economic firmament.
Category 2. Where one parent is endowed with a shit name. Anything reminiscent of weather or real estate ie: ‘Storm’, ‘Rain’, ‘Cloud’, ‘Drizzle' and ‘Turning Out Fine Later In The Day’ is beyond comprehension. Similarly, Devon, Brittany, Paris, London or Tipton is below contempt. Furthermore, 'imaginative' spelling and the introduction of superfluous punctuation is worthy of note in this regard ie Jaxon, Hellzel, Kartier, I'munique and Ma-kala.
Category 3. The nightmare scenario: Both parents imbued with diabolical, gut wrenching, teeth clenching, vomit inducing, eye rolling monikers. Names derived from soap operas or D list celebs come into this category. For example, Chardonnay, Chontelle/Chantelle, Loshandra, Eboleisha, LaShaquanishia. It is noted that the latter names in this sequence have ethnic connotations which may lend an additional contributory compounding effect on intelligence quotients.
Metanalysis and cross statistical non-parametric tests where implemented to squeeze the data into any subjective paradigm which appealed to us at the time of publishing.  

Fig1. As can be clearly seen
A strict hierarchical stratification was clearly observed between the 'categories' outlined above and intelligence quotients. Even after taking into account subsequent and impinging collateral environmental modifiers the relationship remained clear and strong. Thus the lowest parental IQs were revealed for Category 3 parents. In truth, IQ metrics within this group bordered on those expected in unicellular organisms.
Category 2 parents faired better on testing however, in concordance with data observed for Category 3, the parent with the crap name was invariably the partner with the lowest IQ.
In accordance with the observed sequence it was predicted that parental Category 1 would have the highest IQs according to ranking. And in this regard we were not disappointed. In fact some of the parents would be eminently suitable to be employed in the most menial, dirty and poorly paid of occupations.

A distinct and positive correlation between farcical parent names and resultant IQ has been unequivocally demonstrated. Our research indicates that parental names directly affect and impinge on developing IQ which transcends generations. However, we acknowledge that lip curling names may simply act as a marker fortuitously segregating with IQ. Other influencing factors, which to date, remain unknown may be responsible for the observed association. However, that being the case, the factors influencing the conjoining of the two factors seem unnecessarily complex and obtuse therefore contradicting Occam's rule of parsimony. Unless evidence insinuates to the contrary, the theory requiring the least number of assumptions will be adhered to. There is little doubt that parents bestowing shit names on their retarded offspring are similarly afflicted. I will be bold and state : Frank intellectual deficit associates with this parameter and poor name choice is in some way causative, all else being equal. We further contend that IQ predictions can be made with a remarkable degree of statistical accuracy by simply reviewing an individual's name. The influence of environmental factors in this regard is deemed to be negligible and genetic determinants, paramount. Further research is warranted to elucidate any further underlying causative mechanisms, if they exist.
Speculation is rampant concerning the impact names have on the progression of social and subsequent life quality parameters. It is predicted that individuals endowed with nice, socially acceptable names, such as Tom, Emma, Harry, Rose, William and Catherine will enjoy higher and more sustained positive life experiences than someone named, Watermelondrea, Gaylon, Gaylord, Jaylene and Candace. Furthermore, we predict that recipients of wealth-fare and state handouts are more likely to be aggrieved with an incredibly shite name. We further contend and predict that several generations of the same family, riddled with poor name 'choices' are also likely to be a burden on the state and ultimately the poor beleaguered tax payer.
We are aware that our conclusions open up a whole new vista of research that will occupy the next clutch of Phd students for a thousand years....... 
This research was supported by a grant from the Association for Research and Science into the Esoteric (A.R.S.E). 
Dr Flaxen is currently on long term sabbatical leave at the Institute for the Terminally Bemused and Befuddled.

Wednesday 4 January 2017

New Year Resolution

Tis that time of year when folk make ‘New Year Resolutions’. They are usually of the preachy, puritanical ilk: eat less; eat healthier; stop smoking; drink less; exercise more, etc, etc. All very laudable, I’m sure. Ordinary people should always take heed of experts who exhort toward the virtuous and healthy. No matter that the particular guru is some obese wheezy old cove whose corpulence prevents visualisation of their private parts while standing up and standing to attention. I’m reminded of the running fanatic, Jim Fixx, who died jogging at the tender age of 52. A man so dedicated to healthy living that in the end he forgot how to live. Although he made a great looking cadaver.
I’ll be making no resolutions this year. It wouldn’t make any difference anyway as I’m a paragon of health, virility and innate wholesome goodliness. My body is not so much a temple, more of a ferret refuge with knobbly bits. My resting heart rate is a sedate 140 flutters per minute, with the occasional breathless stoppage, thus I’m in harmonious tune with the common harvester vole. And let’s face it, is there any other creature healthier than the common harvester vole? They certainly have an extremely low body mass index to armpit hair ratio. And although they live only two vole years, this represents 110 dog years. I rest my case, M’lud.

Common Harvester Ferret
As I pass the full length mirror in my home, stark bollock naked, I often linger and tarry a while to regard my majestic form. As I stare, pose and demonstrate guileless poise, my gaze is relentlessly drawn to my triple nipple as it throbs in synchrony to the cacophony produced by the ‘Sugars Babes’ emanating from the neighbour’s radio device. If in a jaunty mood I am moved to throw a cascade of silver glitter on the moist orb. With a little jiggling I can marshal cascades of light to dance merrily on the nearby stucco wall. O the humanity!

Take it away, Flaxen:
“I'm busy throwing hints that he keeps missing (throb) Don't have to think about it
I Wanna kiss and
Everything around it but he's too distant
I wanna feel his body
I can't resist it

I know my hidden looks can be deceiving (throb) But how obvious should a girl be?
I was taken by the early conversation piece
And I really like the way that he respect me

I've been waiting patiently for him to come and get it (throb) I wonder if he knows that he can say it and I'm with it
I knew I had my mind made up from the very beginning
Catch this opportunity so you and me could feel it 'cos

If you're ready for me boy (throb) You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control

I'm busy showing him what he's been missing (throb) I'm kind of showing off for his full attention
My sexy ass has got him in the new dimension
I'm ready to do something to relieve this mission

After waiting patiently for him to come and get it (throb) He came on through and asked me if I wanted to get with him
I knew I had my mind made up from the very beginning
Won't miss this opportunity so you and me could feel it 'cos

If you're ready for me boy (throb) You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control

If you're ready for me boy (throb) You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control

I've been dropping so many hints (throb) You’re still not getting it
Now that you’ve heard everything I have to say
Where we gonna go from here?

After waiting patiently for him to come and get it (throb) He came over and asked me if I wanted to get with him
I knew I had my mind made up from the very beginning
Won't miss this opportunity so you and me could feel it 'cos

If you're ready for me boy (throb) You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control

If you're ready for me boy (throb) You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control
(I control)

If you're ready for me boy (throb) (For me boy)
You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
(Oh, oh)
You're gonna miss the freak that I control

Ohhhhhhhh Ohhhhh Ohhhhhh throb, throb, twinkle, twinkle

Nuff said