Thursday, 25 February 2016


Well, bugger me sideways with a sharp stick! As my diligent readers will recall, I posted about the delightful Jehovah’s Witnesses just a couple of weeks ago. In that post, I bemoaned the fact that I hadn’t received a visitation for many a long year. I put it all down to sinister motives and suspected I had been consigned to the ‘black list’ of doom. Jehovah/Yahweh must have heard my heart felt and plaintive cry and decided to send a visitation. Thankfully the Warrior Storm God curbed his wrath and in his infinite wisdom decided to send a couple of his devoted acolytes and not a plague of ferrets.

Consider my excitement when a couple of well-groomed fellas knocked heartily on my door last Saturday morn. I rushed to the door promptly followed by my three trusty hounds. Who could be knocking on my door at 10.00am on a bright Saturday morning- surely it could be none other?

I immediately recognised the pair of gentlemen as Jehovah's Witnesses and addressed them as such. In return, I received a beatific smile. The dynamic was quite interesting: A man in his late teens/early 20s stood close to the door while his much older companion stood a way back, at the top of the drive. The young man opened with one of JWs stock gambits and I replied in my usual fashion. Within a few minutes it was clear to the young fellow’s companion that his disciple was out of his depth and the older man came close to intervene verbally. At this stage, the young man deferred to his older companion and took no further part in the discussion. The other chap was a veteran of the door step and well versed in JW doctrine. However, so was I. We bantered back and forth for about 15 minutes and eventually the duo admitted defeat and made their retreat. During the second stage of the discussion, I could see that the young chap, although quiet, was listening intently to my ripostes to the standard JW arguments. I would like to think I made an impression. Anyway, as they turned to leave I looked the young man in the eye and said: “There is a whole big world outside of Jehovah’s Witness teaching. When you have read some secular wisdom and reflected upon it come and let me know what you think”. The lad was taken aback and stammered an incoherent reply. It was then he received a stern admonishing look from the elder. And so they left.

My wife, who had been lurking in the background, and occasionally giving me ‘that look’, eventually said: “You bastard, why don’t you tell them to fuck off like everyone else”? "But my dear, I was having so much fun”. To which she replied: “Weirdo”. 

Once out of earshot, I'm pretty sure the older gentleman would have given his younger companion a lecture about the dangers of 'worldly ways' and how the cunning devil is adept at using 'mortal instruments' to deflect the righteous from the one true path. And thus suitably chastened the young fellow would undoubedly refrain from casting a wide intellectual net and thus remain firmly rooted within the JW fold. But then again, you never know……………


  1. I find crossing myself in reverse and reciting the Lords Prayer backwards normally has them beating a hasty retreat. Takes a little practice but the results are well worth the trouble...

  2. Hey, Mr D, but you are missing all the fun.....

  3. My blood donor's ID card usually does the trick.