Tuesday, 26 May 2015

The Vowel Monument

Baby Akimbo!
Breaking news from the picture perfect, Alpine, Spa town of Tipton. Today, the ‘Vowel Monument’ was unveiled during a ceremony presided over by the recently elected Mayor, ‘Baby Doc’ Vowel. The monument is a full sized representation of the previous incumbent Mayor, ‘Pappa Doc’ Vowel. The life like statue was crafted from the finest recycled rubber tyres and inspired by Mr Vowel’s unceasing advocacy and patronage of the local orphanage, appropriately named: ‘Home for dispossessed urchins and sundry unwanted wastrel bastards ’. The statue depicts a naked, rampant and tumescent Mr Vowel fending off a frenzied attack by a cohort of ‘killer babies’.

The edifice was cunningly crafted by the renowned Tipton artist, Mr Poncyarse Mugumbo. Poncyarse gained perspective and inspiration by fully immersing himself in the concept and drinking copious amounts of absinthe laced with laudanum. Suitably imbued and fortified, Poncyarse (just call me Ponce) spent a whole afternoon fashioning the esteemed erection; the rest of the statue took a lot longer. Poncy had this to say regarding his sculptured rendition of the late Mr Vowel. In his own words: "It is an embodiment of all Mr Vowel represents and is the quintessential expression of his coruscating demeanour, notwithstanding his propensity for outre' comportment. I’m hoping that the good burghers of Tipton can effuse and relate to Vowel’s innate eleemosynary nature albeit expressed in the jocose vernacular". Anus.

Ponce in a rare moment of lucidity 

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