Thursday, 21 May 2015

George, meet Arthur. 'I thank you'

What style would be that be, then?

As my regular readers will no doubt recall, fullsome (not a real word), toothsome, George Formby enjoyed moderate success after inventing and marketing the 'George Formby Grilling banjo'. Unfortunately, his other cooking utensils did not enjoy flamboyant/flambĂ© success. Who could forget the failure of the 'oboe baster' and the 'two minute noodle mandolin’. Malocclusion George was at a total loss at what to do next. He was virtually penniless and was seriously considering plying the streets as a novelty sex worker. Never underestimate the power of the niche market. There is always a call for prostitutes with an overbite.

And then, just as dire despond descended dejectedly downright upon his rejected shoulders, fate intervened and propelled George into an orgasmic writhing frenzy of rapture. For who should wander into his life, but the diminutive, cheeky chappy: big hearted Arthur Askey. 'Hello playmates'. Arthur, without further ado, offered our bicuspid hero a place in his, vaunted, by the pundits, Vaudeville show, aptly called: 'Arthur Askey's Cheeky Chappy Compendium Conundrum of Comedic Crescendo' (no punctuation required). Arse.

At this time, Arthur was  complete/replete with a full set of natural appendages and had not yet succumbed to an unceasing cascade of unnatural amputations. Accordingly, he pranced and careened about the stage like a demented ferret fortified with amphetamines. Intermittently, he would gush/rush forth a wailing refrain about a strenuously employed hymenoptera (or to be exact- Apis mellifera). In the melee, it was George’s role to accompany a gyrating Arthur on the grilling banjo by supplying an unending supply of freshly cooked comestibles and hot sweat meats. They were an instant success amongst the deaf, hungry, itinerant community. I have not digressed.

                                                                     Bugger nuts

Thus, the most unlikely of duos formed an unholy alliance. The entertainment industry would never be the same again. The world became captivated by the boldness of their invective and vituperation. They were destined to be feted throughout the West Midland metropolitan area, excluding Smethwick South and Dudley West, where the act was judged too 'avant garde' for the conservative denizens. But, little could Arthur and George, or ‘Geoart’ as the were collectively known, portend, that fickle fate was about descend with fevered aplomb upon their resplendent bonces.....  soapy tit wank.

To be continued. 

                                                                 Watch and Weep


  1. Peter Sellars seems better than the original to me. Wonder how he gets the sound of a banjo ukelele out of that guitar ukelele tho'. Didn't think garageband was around in those days...

  2. A disaster has just occurred! I played the Busy Bee Song and Mrs D was singing along....! ARSE!!!!!

  3. One of these days I'll get round to writing a sensible biograghy on the duo I malign so heartily.