Tuesday, 9 September 2014

King Flaxen Dispensing his Discernment, Once Again

A plant pot would look really nice up here

Once again King Flaxen sits on the profound chair of sagacity and dispenses wisdom with audacious aplomb. Arse bucket......

Dear King Flaxen,
I have a teensy weeny problemette with my immediate meighbour over a boundary dispute. I noticed the other day that his fence lies 3 inches within my boundary. I checked my house plans and consulted a chartered surveyor who confirmed my suspicions: My neighbour has encroached throughout the length of our common boundary. The upshot is that I have lost up to 4 square feet of land. I approached my neighbour to remonstrate and explain the situation in no uncertain terms but Mr Mugumbo (for it is he), replied: "fuck off cunty bollocks."    

King Flaxen, I am my wits end and absolutely besides myself with worry and discontent. How should I proceed to resolve this crisis, moving forward?

Dithering of Dudley

King Flaxen promulgates percipience, thusly:
Gather ye war band, form a shield wall, and charge your neighbour's stronghold. Overcome, and put to the sword all ye find even unto the little ones. Appropriate the land and burn the garth. In order to avoid paying the weregild to your neighbour's kin, I recommend their total destruction, except the maids who have not lain with man- these you may keep for your self. Whatever you cannot hold, burn, and salt the land with lime. As a final pleasing gesture, bestrew the land with the skulls of your fallen enemy.

Alternatively you can approach your local Ombudsman and seek impartial arbitration.


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