Tuesday, 21 January 2014

In the Great Hall

Athelstan ‘The Unsteady': “Father when you die who will inherit your land, wealth and chattels.”
FS: “It will be divided amongst my children in equal parts.”
Athelstan ‘The Unsteady': “What, even to your bastards?”
FS: “No, my son. The bastards have my strength and wits, except for Adric, ‘The Adled’, and Geric the dwarf, and Fenhir ‘The Homosexual’, and….
Athelstan ‘The Unsteady': “Father! By Woden’s single eye, I get the gist, already.”
Hroslinda: “Father, my dowry demands I get more than my brother. And what is too be done with your mistress, Brynhildr”
Athelstan: “Father, intervene!”
FS: “I dispense my wisdom as such. Children, my wealth will be apportioned according to this general formulae : x(n-3)n /k-a. Where x equals the hectares of land; a, bushels of wheat; k, the number of blond male children and n the extent of my scrotal sac stretched upon a loom (in cm). Note my scrotal sac intervenes twice.  Now go hence and do sum (geddit?) math. As for Brynhildr she has been the receptacle of my seed long enough. This chalice overflows. Toss her into the midden pit. I will clean it on the morrow! Athelstan, my tallest, strongest and blondeth of children. Go kill me some screilings according to your nature. Hroslinda, more mead, this one grows cold.”  
Athelstan: “Your thegn and son will do you bidding, my Jarl.”
Hroslinda: “Dad, sometimes you can be a total cunt, you really can.”

To be continued…..


  1. FFS, FS! I know NZ is the home of the Hobbitt, but this is fucking ridiculous.....

  2. ".......apportioned according to this general formulae : x(n-3)n /k-a......"

    Okay, how'd you code for the "n" superscript - which did not appear to copy well into this comment?

    And it is "formula", singular, not the plural, "formulae". Jeez!

  3. ".......Now go hence and do sum (geddit?) math......."

    Unfortunately, I do. And this has forced me to re-evaluate my initial consideration of your cognitive abilities.
    Oh dear!

  4. ALTC: You are dead right on both accounts. Remember the analogy of the 'Lighthouse.' Unfortunately in this case the ' lighthouse keeper' had been on the piss. It wont happen again.

  5. Teach me to code for a 'superscript' ya cunt!
    I want to be able to write formulae.