The problem of Japanese snipers became so problematical and intense that the Dudley council after the war decided to convert the old lard rendering factory into a home for 'Bewildered and Short-Sighted Japanese Snipers'. By January 1946 the home was at full capacity and expectant and homeless Japanese snipers were directed to the nearby town of Tipton for succour.
The superintendent of the home, Captain (retd) Enoch Vowel keeps a tight ship and expects his charges to perform inspiring and heart-uplifting tasks for the duration of their stay. For instance, Monday involves its denizens performing a spirited and sanguineous recreation of the 'The Rape of Nan King'. Local school children were encouraged to take part. A health and safety notice was issued explaining that the snipers participating should take care not to cut their fingers on the sharp bayonets issued expressly for the 'Extravaganza'. Afterwards, Mr Khan, of 'Khan's bone glue processing factory' agreed to collect the children's bodies for disposal, at no cost to himself.
The week's dynamic programme reads as follows:
Bide a Wee Home For Bewildered and Extremely Short Sighted Japanese Snipers
This Week's Activities/Atrocities
Monday Morning Cinema: 'Rape of Nan King' Technicolour version
Monday Afternoon Inspiration: Lecture by the living god, Emporer Hirohito. 'How to get away with wartime atrocities and thrive'
Tuesday Lecture: 'How To overcome unnecessary rhotachisms' A lecture by Prof. Hiroshima Myopia.
Wednesday Practical Workshop: 'Shortsightedness and how to stop colliding with various purposely placed barriers in the tortuous corridors of the facility
Thursday: 'Korean Comfort Women Night Extravaganza'
Friday: 'The Advantages of the Berri-Berri Diet' Presentation by Dr Shinto Kendo-Nagasaki
Saturday: 'Recreation of the Death March' Inmates will be forced marched in the Dudley heat and humidity receiving beatings from the home's compassionate guards meted out arbitrarily and with gentle brutality (surely an oxymoron )
Sunday: 'Sunday Morning Service' with the Right Rev Hypocritical Mugumbo. Followed by the execution of the survivors of yesterday's jaunt
Anyone particularly interested in my previous musings upon Nippon snipers can access my intrepid pontifications, by searching my blog. To be honest, I can't be arsed (arse) to put in the necessary links.
Lest we forget........... My uncle Charlie never did
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