Friday, 24 December 2021

Flaxen's Christmas Felicitations

Shagger says: "Buy me a pressie or I'll bite your bollocks clean awf

Tis Christmastide in the Flaxen abode. All is well with the world. Peace and harmony have descended throughout like a descendy thing. The snow lies deep, crisp, and even. The sparrow forages in the hoar frost for a tasty tidbit. The wolves in the hill howl a cry of hope. The sleeping child lies upon the crib, moist, warm and free of care. The log fire crackles and throws a warm glow throughout our humble abode. Choristers sing out in harmony upon our doorstep. The light from their multitude of candles cast a guttering glow that alights their ruddy cheeks in rubicund delight. The eggnog flows free and the mistletoe hangs in expectation above the incandescent hearth.....

Is it Bollocks!

The cosy/rosy picture painted above, of course, bears no exactitude to reality. In truth, the weather is a balmy 30 degrees, thus negating the log fire. No rosy-cheeked cherubs bestrew our deck with song; no wolves either. Fuck eggnog, it tastes like shit.

Let's be frank, the past year has been particularly shit and one that mankind will gladly see its demise with gleeful abandon. COVID has ravaged mankind. The economic cost has been incalculable, and still, the infection continues unabated.

At the personal level, fortune has been mixed. My health remains indifferent as I contemplate the fact that over the past 12 months I have become an opiate addict. On the other hand, the archery business I started with number one son continues to grow and our intention is to expand into the large Australian market.

The family will gather today. My son and girlfriend will arrive from the windy city. My mother will be joining the throng this year if her health holds. Presently she resides in the local 'granny farm' which caters to her multiple health issues. My daughter, and her family, already live with us and hopefully in the near future will move out to start a new life living on an old school bus. Four people crammed into a single-decker 1980s bus- surely, nothing could go wrong, could it?

Christmas day will be predictable. Hearty morning breakfast followed by the opening of the pressies. Later in the day, we will partake of a conventional Christmas dinner of turkey, lamb, and ham followed by Christmas pud and custard.

Anyway folks, I wish you a good hearty Christmas festival and I will pick up my mighty pen in the New Year and write anew. Let us hope that 2022 is a whole lot better than the year we are leaving behind- good riddance say I!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from the Flaxen Family.      


  1. Merry Xmas Mr flaxen and all.
    My year as guinea pig for pain releif is ending well too. We all have bat flu, which is miserable. On top of that I have a sligtly elevated blood sugar count. I was told yesterday that a normal count is around 40, they start to get worried at 70. Mine is just over 40... 140 actually. Insulin and injectors arrive today, blood glucose monitor arrived yesterday. All these unexpected gifts, you'd think it's xmas...

  2. And a Merry one to you and all yours too. And the mighty Shaagger as well.
    And a most sincere thankyou for all your missives.
    They achieve what the BBC ( remember them?) gave up doing yonks ago.
    Educate and Entertain.
    Hope our New Year is better. Not hard.

  3. Just sent you a personal mail from our perch here in the Gambia. We've got another 11 hours yet before the bullshit descends like a decendy turd. Have a good day. Talk soon if I can get the fucking words out...

  4. Merry Christmas and lang may yer lumb reek!