Apparently, Gwyneth Paltrow has released a new product as part of her ‘Goop’ merchandise range. For a modest US$75 you can buy a candle that smells like her twat. Here, is the marketing blurb that accompanies this rather salubrious and fiery combustible (is there any other type?): funny, gorgeous, sexy and beautifully unexpected. A mix of geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar absolutes juxtaposed with damask rose and ambrette seed. I have to say it has been my life’s ambition to find a woman with a ‘nether bit’ that smells of damask rose and ambrette seed. In my modest experience, most women do not have a fanny exuding citrusy bergamot notes. In general, exuding is never a good thing and in fairness, I would settle for a woman with a twat smelling of Canesten. Although not a gorgeous, sexy and beautifully unexpected scent, at least it has the ‘air’ of practicality about it. There is nothing sexy about having an itchy cock.