Mad, Bad or God

The Story Unfolds

The reader is directed to suspend disbelief. Everything related in the following tale is totally valid, true and not the demented conquering's of a man with a tenuous grip on reality who is also imbued with the disconcerting proclivity of bollocking down two bottles of Creme de Menthe in a single sitting.

Consider, the cruel Winter of 984 AD. Our Hero is out for an invigorating stride across the snow besmirched land of the Mercian hinterland. Our story begins...

Whilst out strolling with his wolf, Loki, Flaxen, king of the Tipton Saxons became entangled in a space/time vortex which perchance connected to rent in the space-time continuum. Hence, Flaxen and Loki were transported through a time portal to finally alight in the Tipton of 2026. After catching the number 27 bus from Dudley.......Before you berate me for concocting impossible scenarios, I suggest you consult the latest in theoretical physics which, no doubt, will bestrew my tale with a sprinkling of verity itself.

For some strange reason which will never become apparent or satisfactorily explained, Flaxen and Loki managed to find agreeable lodgings with a flagrant/fragrant homosexual called Roger. After a lamentable event in the local post office where several aged folk were propelled to Valhalla before their allotted time (only just), Flaxen managed to secure gainful employment as a local estate agent. I will relate how this came to pass, and the successful interview process as it actually transpired, in the next gripping, paragraph. Oh yes, and for reasons that shall remain veiled in mystery and wrapped in a puzzle, Flaxen's trusty wolf became transmuted into a white fluffy Maltese Terrier, called Bubbles.

After the unfortunate episode of miscommunication in the post office, our intrepid time traveler found himself ensconced in a local corner shop. It is here that Flaxen embarked on the potential purchase of a quart of ale and a packet of pork scratchings. Unfortunately, the Blackamoor who owned the establishment baulked at accepting Flaxen's proffered silver groats. Twas a grave mistake as tenth century West Saxon groats in mint condition where worth considerably more than the comestibles Flaxen elected to purchase. Unfortunately for the shopkeep, Flaxen was not a man accustomed to being thwarted in his daily proceedings (he was an only child). Thusly, Flaxen, with a swift repost, unsheathed his sword, 'Arse, big fat arse biter' and with a deft flick of burnished steel the ill-favoured store keep's noggin was rent asunder and sent a scurrying to finally come to rest atop a packet of cheese and onion crisps.   

It became apparent to Flaxen, that in order to flourish in this future environment he needed to gain fruitful employment, and thus he applied for the position of Estate Agent as proffered in the local Job Mart. Surely, there must have been a dearth of suitable applicants as our hero managed to secure an interview the very next day.

The Interview

"So, Mr Flaxen, from your CV it appears that you have extensive experience in reaving and blood feuding with wandering warbands of interloping Frisians and Jutes. Also, you have an eclectic and extensive pinna collection, taken from fallen foes slain in battle. You have interpersonal skills and can work alone or in a warband. In addition, you have shown initiative in usurping the previous incumbent king of the West Saxons after he committed suicide by repeatably stabbing himself with a sword before falling down a disused mine shaft. After due consideration, and after noting that all other prospective candidates have mysteriously succumbed to a sanguinous demise in the interview waiting room, it is with great trepidation that I welcome you aboard as our new member of the Sales Consulting Team.  Mr Flaxen, your first viewing is on the morrow".   

You may think it strange and incongruent that a tenth century barbarian could converse with the denizens of a thousand years hence, but reality is not as it seems, especially at the quantum level. Anyway, if we are living in an infinite universe, as many very clever physicists believe, then everything is possible. Therefore, from logical inference it follows, and by force of argument aver, then every possibility denied to the imagination of Man, is also possible. I will not delve deep into the realm where classical philosophy and nonclassical physics coalesce. Suffice to say we would be entering an epistemological wonderland that transcends the intellects of mere mortals. Back to the saga. 

The Viewing

"As you can see this is a well-appointed 3 bed residence with grand views toward Tipton's only midden pit. The bathroom is bijou and superbly appointed...''

Mr Mugumbo (who else?): "Excuse me king Flaxen of the Tipton Saxons with hegemony over the wester marches and parts of Dudley south, but what are the schools like hereabouts? I wouldn't want little Joachim to go to a school full of brain fucked, thieving gypos''."You have raised a fair point Mr Mugumbo. Let me assure you that the 'Gypo Quotient' is within the 10th decile as we speak and the only dark folk allowed on school grounds is the janitor and only after full egress of the student body. As I was saying, as you can see, we have a sharply appointed kitchen type area with all the amenities of running cold water; some of it from the tap. The 'rambunctious room' would be ideal for a snooker table or an area for storing the skulls of your fallen enemy". "What is that strange crunching noise emanating from the compact but deceptively spacious bed roomette". "Don't mind that, tis only my trusty wolf cum Maltese, Loki/Bubbles feasting on the entrails of the previous viewer who had the temerity to criticise the flock wallpaper in the amply spaced dinerette designed to maximise your lifestyle requirements. Foolish accountant dared trifle with King of the Tipton Saxons and thus with a swift blow of my sword, 'Arse, Big Fat Arse, Biter', I removed his impudent bonce with celerity timely born.  Well, Mr Mugumbo, what do you think of the wallpaper in the tastefully appointed living area''?

"Well to be honest, I prefer a more understated effect with subtle, vibrant tones......".

As if in dream Flaxen reached for his double headed Danish war axe, 'Twat Cruncher', and in a heartbeat severed Mr Mugumbo's head clean orf his less than bespoke torso. 

Flaxen picked up the severed head and entered the easy to maintain bed roomette and skillfully placed the head atop the mound of noggins. Loki/Bubbles playfully relinquished the accountant's entrails and gleefully latched onto Mr Mugumbo's blood rimed corpse with his pitiless maw and thus provisioned began to drag it slowly into the sumptuously attired, feature garagette.

     

Next week Flaxen receives 'Estate Agent of the Month Award'.

Ozempic Games

No Comment

Most folk are familiar with the 'Ozempic Fad' that has swept the Western World. Originally, the drug was developed to treat type 2 diabetes. Diabetes Mellitus can be split into two distinct conditions. Type 1 diabetes is usually detected in childhood, and it is mostly caused by an autoimmune condition that attacks pancreatic tissue. Insulin is manufactured in the pancreas, specifically in cells called the Islets of Langerhans. Once these cells are lost, the individual can no longer regulate carbohydrate metabolism, and the patient requires a controlled insulin-injection regimen to regulate blood glucose levels. Type 2 diabetes usually occurs in adulthood and has a strong correlation with obesity. Generally, the condition is less severe than type 1, as patients still produce insulin but not enough to fully regulate carbohydrate metabolism. This form of the condition can usually be controlled with diet alone or with non-insulin medication. 

Ozempic was first introduced in 2017. Unlike previous diabetic medications, Ozempic affects the 'Satiation Complex': it stops people from overeating by triggering a feeling of fullness early in the eating process. Thus, the drug is designed to help people eat less, which in turn helps maintain healthy blood sugar levels. As a result, it can lead to weight loss, and since 2021, doctors have begun prescribing the drug for weight loss in none diabetic individuals. The drug has other therapeutic actions, which I will briefly consider below. 

Science Stuff

This is my chance to awaken the latent biochemist training I endured many years ago. The ghosts of pathways past come before my vision: glycolysis, Krebs cycle, beta-oxidation, and others parade in an endless array, crowding my senses with monotonous languor.

Anyway, Ozempic is classed as a glucagon-like peptide-1 (GLP-1) receptor agonist. For clarity, an agonist is a chemical that interacts with a receptor to elicit a biological response. The drug has several effects on the body. It acts on the hypothalamus in the brain and signals early satiety, preventing overeating and snacking between meals. In addition, it stimulates insulin production in the pancreas, helping convert glucose to energy and reducing blood sugar levels. It slows the passage of food from the stomach to the small intestine. Again, this delays the pangs of hunger by extending the satiety reflex. Finally, Ozempic suppresses glucagon, a hormone responsible for releasing glucose, and therefore helps regulate overall blood sugar. On the face of it, Ozempic appears to be an ideal drug for treating diabetes, as it acts on multiple systems, working in concert to maintain blood glucose levels within clinically prescribed limits. Enough biochemistry.    

Like all medications, there are side effects. As expected, the most common involve the stomach and alimentary tract. Not all are affected, and in most cases symptoms are modest and usually decrease over time. The most commonly associated symptoms include nausea, constipation and diarrhoea. I suspect the last two symptoms are mutually exclusive in any given individual.      

It didn't take long for rich celebrities to catch on to Ozempic's involvement in weight loss. Because the celebrity 'lifestyle' is associated with being thin, it seemed like an effortless way to lose weight. The drug was particularly appealing to those fat, rich bastards who lacked the discipline and willpower to rein in their gluttony. Or perhaps they were too intellectually disadvantaged to appreciate the metabolic reality: if calorific input exceeds calorific expenditure, then the excess is converted to adipose tissue. It is true that, due to a myriad of factors, folk differ in their metabolic 'burn rate', and some appear gifted in this regard. We can all recall a friend or acquaintance who is imbued with the mystical property of gluttony without associated fat deposition. My wife is of this ilk. She can scarf down calories akimbo without consequences. She has always been so disposed and struggles to maintain a healthy weight as she ages, due to constraints of appetite- is this a gift or a curse? My story is a tad different. I, due to my intellectual and mental disposition, have the blight of obsessive behaviour(s). Under this umbrella hide several behavioural compulsions that guide my daily routine; they are legion. I have a horror of weight gain that is clearly, to the 'sane' individual, abnormal.  

As we age, weight gain is a reality for most folks. We also experience a necessary decline in physical activity as age-related conditions take their toll. By three score and ten, there are few of us left who haven't felt the lash of medical maladies that limit activity. Whether your aged health status and fate are due to 'luck', genetics, or overindulgence, your final health 'barometer' is a remorseless, and often sad, reality.  

It has become clear that taking Ozempic as a weight loss aid rather than for therapeutic reasons is not without consequences over and above the known side effects. And there is little doubt that folk can lose a considerable amount of weight whilst taking the drug. However, the weight loss is not exclusively due to fat loss, as 40% of the weight involves protein, or specifically muscle. This explains the development of the 'Ozempic Face'. Together with rapid fat loss from the face, there is also muscle reduction. The result is a hollow, gaunt look, and the overall effect is a loss of a healthy and youthful visage. It has become noticeable that certain celebs who have been partaking of the drug for its rapid slimming action have developed unhealthy-looking 'aspects' that have become indelibly inscribed upon their faces. The drug's effect on dietary intake requires a lifelong application. Once the drug is stopped, and unless other measures are taken to either restrict calorie intake or undertake an appropriate exercise regimen, the weight is likely to return. Furthermore, as we age, our ability to replace lost muscle decreases, and older participants will find that the gaunt look remains even as they become fat.        

Tis a sad reflection of modern society that a sure way to become thin, without willpower or work, is by taking a pill. It is also true that if you want to become exceedingly wealthy, just design a drug that guarantees weight loss. Celebrities are under immense pressure to maintain their physical attractiveness, and part of that journey is staying thin. And let's be clear, this is not the same as maintaining a healthy weight for a designated age. Couple this with the self-selecting trait of narcissism, and we are no longer lingering in the territory of maintaing a healthy weight but in the wasteland of an eating disorder.              

Slop Plop

Facebook has become a joke shared between millennials and other generations, signified by a letter. Sadly, Facebook has degenerated into the almost exclusive preserve of Boomers. Aged folk who are inclined to share way too much personal information, photos of grandchildren, and implausible stories that beg to be shared.   

Facebook is not cool, and the cool kids only visit to laugh at the gullibility of a generation progressively marginalised and hated. I confess: I have a Facebook account. I rarely visit; however, I have found it useful, as a tool, to connect with long-lost friends and erstwhile colleagues slowly going grey between infrequent visits.

AI is changing the world, so we are told. Is this really the case? Is the concept overhyped? Will it become a self-fulfilling prophecy? Time will reveal. But this post is not about how AI will or will not change the world. To be honest, I think the World has more pressing issues that require our consideration and clear-headed action. Enough for now. With all that said, there is no doubt that AI has had an impact on the social platform, Facebook. Its presence has become insidious, repellent, and, in many instances, downright ridiculous. AI 'creators' can knock out this slop easily and quickly with readily available AI tools. Here is an example I spotted on Facebook yesterday. Enjoy.

Some people notice my scars before they notice my smile.

If you can spare just one moment, a simple "Happy Birthday" would fill my heart with joy today. Thank you for reminding me that kindness always sees beyond appearances.

This post had garnered 225 comments at the time of viewing. Without fail, all comments expressed the smulchy sentimental mush, as requested. No one had exercised their critical faculty; instead, they had taken the picture and sentiment as verity itself. As I scrolled down the comments, it was clear from the Thumbnail, that the commentators were exclusively from a certain Age Demographic. Sadly, that demographic is one to whom I belong. I felt compelled to place my own comment. I had decided to rage against the machine, but to what avail? Was I becoming part of the machine I so despised? Tis cheap, these days, to buy comments to posts that support the agenda that suits. Am I simply feeding the algorithm that the creator craves? Tis a muddled game these days, and I'm not sure I want to play any more.  

My Comment

FS:·

Folks, this is AI-generated slop. It's not real. We Boomers have got to do better! It actually states that it is AI-generated. You can tell because AI always has trouble getting the fingers right- go ahead and count them.

This crap is not going away soon. With AI generative tools, this slop can be knocked out quickly. Savvy creators can generate large numbers of similar images and post on Facebook and also TikTok. Money can be made off engagement. These platforms have created incentivised programs for content, regardless of quality, that goes viral. Where there is money to be made from easy-to-produce slop, unscrupulous creators will follow in their droves.   

The AI rabbit hole goes deep, and requires multiple posts to clarify, inform and hopefully educate. It is not all about money. It can be used to pass on misinformation from those with malicious intent, or put forth a message from a political group. Trump recently created an image that caused mass consternation and contempt. It disappeared within hours. But not fast enough. Remember what gets put on the net lasts forever.

Here it is in all its glory. The ego of the man is without bounds and inversely related to his IQ. 

 

I wonder what he is trying to say here? Surely, we are witnessing a subtle portrayal of concepts, intricately woven. What can it mean? The message is hard to fathom- so much is going on. Though I think it could be improved with the image of a ferret. But I would say that, wouldn't I?