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| Kim Dim Sum (sporting noodles)
During the early
1950s, the American and Chinese superpowers faced off in the Korean peninsular and
through their respective Korean allies waged a savage and cruel war by proxy
(this is not historically correct, is it Flaxen?). The North Koreans, for the most part, were
armed with a spicy noodle dish, whilst luckily for the West, the South Koreans
were armed with napalm- thus the tasty, crispy, North Korean noodle was born. During
this uneven conflict, the North Korean leadership ably abetted by their
glorious, god-like leader, Kim Cum up Bum, decided that they could tilt the
balance of power but only if they could insinuate a deadly noodle chef into the heart of the
West Midlands. By a casual stroke of fortune, the Metropolitan borough of
Dudley was chosen by default. On that fateful Wednesday morn, on the 26th of
December, 1951, a diminutive malnourished and short sighted North Korean
specialist noodle chef parachuted into the enclave of Dudley Zoo. He
quickly ensconced himself in the baboon enclosure where he remained totally
unnoticed for the next 64 years. By happenstance, Kim Dim Sum (for it
is he) bore an uncanny resemblance to a generic simian and thus remained totally
undetected by the incognisant zoo staff. Luckily for the good burghers of Dudley,
his packet of deadly dried/fried noodles became entangled on an itinerant seagull and
thus passed forever from the sight of mankind. Kim Dim Sum rapidly adapted to
his new surroundings and became particularly adept at grooming other members of the troop and
throwing his compressed and partially dried faeces at any schoolboy foolish enough to
come within missile range. His idle life of idyll would have gone unabated
except for a fickle twist of destiny. Whilst eating a banana with his usual
accomplished aplomb, Kim Dim Sum slipped upon the carelessly relinquished banana
peel. During the subsequent gyrations our erstwhile noodle chef exposed his rump to
the attentive keeper who noticed immediately that the exposed posterior
showed no signs of reproductive tumescence- as this was mating season, the game
was up.
Kim Dim Sum was
inhumanely destroyed later that day.
Arse, big red, arse
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Tuesday, 29 September 2015
North Korean noodle chef unearthed at Dudley Zoo
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It's painfully obvious we're dealing with a Caucasoid cunt here.
ReplyDeleteDim Sum?
That's a White Devil phrase that no self-respecting Chinese Asian would utter. Asians will refer to the little-dumplings-as-brunch as "Yim Cha"
And why the fuck would a Korean be named in white-devil-cantonese shite? And every schoolboy in England knows the North Korean national dish is fermented cabbage - aka - Kimchi not noodles.
Jaysus, I don't know why I bother.
I suppose I’m about as Caucasoid as you can be without transitioning into a God. Depending on the medication cycle and compliance I am sometimes a small ferret called Shagger. Are you working at ‘Sweet William’ again? I thought the bottom of the vase fell out of the flower business. The important thing is: have you got regular internet access? I’ve noted the worrying trend that your head above the parapet is unnervingly intermittent
DeleteIt was "Sweet Williams Floral and Gift Shoppe" , and no, that business is kaput. I am negotiating the Public Library system.
Delete"......Depending on the medication cycle and compliance....."
Nyuck
And there's that visitor from Hog Town again.
ReplyDeleteAND!
ReplyDeleteThe first photograph is that of an ape - Chimpanzee
The second is that of a monkey - Baboon
I suspect you know nowt about primatology because you aren't one.
A higher form of life, perhaps?
Delete