Tuesday, 4 August 2015

Land of Milk and Blow Flies

Guess who?

Mr Teacosy Mugumbo, Zimbabwean Minister of Immigration and Latrines announced his concern amid the growing immigration crisis. Thousands of young Zimbabwean men are flocking to distant shores in order to escape generations of prosperity and political stability. They can be seen boarding ramshackle and leaking boats in a bid to escape the liberal and beneficent government of the presiding democratically elected despot, Mr Banana Mugumbo-Mugumbo (no relation). Often they sail for neighbouring countries mired in desperate poverty and political corruption, such as Mumbojumboland. They see their destination as a land of 'flies and shit' and flock ashore in order to take a piece of the non-existent social security system. Here they hope to build a better mud hut and live off the abundant fat, black, blow flies which prosper in the feculent, excrement befouled waterways and fetid land.

Likewise, the recipients of the indolent horde (for it is they) are also in tumult. Mr Bone Through-Nose, Minister for Border Control and Summarily Mass Executions of the neighbouring country of Mumbojumboland had this to say at today's hastily convened emergency meeting: “This is a liberty innit. As if we need any more filthy Kaffirs populating this cess pit of a nation. We have enough feckless, lazy, violent young blacks of our own and want nothing to do with an influx of the same”.

The problem facing this emerging, but work shy nation, is that once the illegal immigrants land, they quickly blend in with the equally shiftless, indolent, torpid and dull indigenous population.

A recent Zimbabwean immigrant had this to say: "In Zimbabwe, I was permanently unemployed and infested with canker sores and Ebola, while here in Mumbojumboland, not only am I unemployed but I've contracted AIDS and a particularly virulent form of Dengue fever. This is a condition I could only have dreamed about in my native country of Rhodesia" (surely some mistake). Arse.

Location, Location, Shit

No comments:

Post a Comment