Thursday, 27 February 2014

Arthur Askey is a Cunt



Who remembers Arthur Askey? Big hearted Arthur. Diminutive Arthur. Played a huge role in the last war defeating Hitler. Good for morale. Kept up spirits during the blitz. Strains of Vera Lynn. Pranced about the stage like a butterfly and sucked like a bee. Old theatre. Old music hall. Quite small with diminutive talent. Queen said to love him. Don’t believe all Lizzy’s proclamations. Royalty sometime lie and fart just like the rest of us. Not me, I just lie. New macrobiotic diet keeps me regular and wind free. Mendacity being my middle name and all. Actually it is Alfred. Made the transition from music hall to tele in the 60’s and 70’s. Then his legs fell orwf. Not so chirpy now me old cockney sparrow, eh? Actually from Liverpool. So not even a thieving Londoner just a thieving Scouser. Some comfort in that, I’m sure. Arthur never really recovered. Propelled himself on a skateboard. Small dogs used to pee on him at traffic lights.  Merciful release for the viewing public when he died. Not enough to put in a size 10 shoe box. Buried in the Isle of Dogo, just like the rest of the country.


Gentle readers, I will let you be the judge.




And now you know why I like to burn stuff.

4 comments:

  1. I refuse to click on the play button! Torture infringes my human rights...and Brussels agrees with me!

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    Replies
    1. Do it. Fuck Brussels. Pleasure and pain are so closely related.

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  2. "......Then his legs fell orwf. Not so chirpy now me old cockney sparrow, eh? Actually from Liverpool. So not even a thieving Londoner just a thieving Scouser. Some comfort in that, I’m sure....."
    EXCELLENT stuff! Laughed so much I thought my own legs had come orwf! But they hadn't thanks to a 21st century diet.
    Where is the humour like this now? Giving some dead fucker a good kicking for no apparent reason! Love it! Reminds me of Victor Lewis Smith's 'Honest Obituary'. And nothing better than revealing those thieving cockney fantasists for what they are! 'Cunts' for want of a better word. Actually there isn't a better word.
    'National Treasure' assassination is very necessary. The best thing about treasure, is that it's usually buried under ground, where no one can see it!

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