'Eating poo is good for you'

Eating poo is a therapy, no shit. Okay, in all seriousness the process involves the ingestion of faeces orally or trans-rectally as a treatment for a variety of conditions, including bowel disease, type 2 diabetes and a whole host of inflammatory conditions. Inflammatory bowel disorders can have many causes however, one of the causes may be down to having the wrong bacteria in your gut. By ingesting faeces from a healthy donor you can replace pathogenic bacteria with a healthy bacterial flora. These commensal bacteria are essential for normal nutrition and are key to maintaining health. Recent research suggests that the human gut may contain up to 30,000 different species of bacteria.

Due to the over use of antibiotics, disease causing bacteria are becoming increasingly resistant to conventional antibiotic treatment. Resistant organisms are posing serious problems and concerns for doctors treating infectious disease. Faecal transplants have been shown to be highly effective in treating patients with antibiotic resistant Clostridium difficule infections. In the US alone, this infection is responsible for 110,000 deaths a year.

 

Faecal therapy was once considered a last line treatment for disease. However, due to its effectiveness, it is fast becoming the first line treatment of choice for a range of disparate disorders.     

Should have spent the wedding money on dentistry and a haircut

  The best man has eaten the ring

                                            

Currently I’m going through my redneck phase although I suspect this photo is staged. There are just too many cliches for it to ring true. 

Okay, so let’s see if we can spot all the obvious stereotypes:

• Trailer park
• Cigarette and beer in hand
• Obligatory mullet
• Missing teeth
• She’s pregnant
• Sleeveless groom and check shirt
• Large dog as best man
• Inappropriate foot wear

But where are the tattoos?

Have I missed any?

Prelude to the Great War

Nice hat Mr B

We are fast approaching the  hundredth  anniversary of the start of the Great War. The war to end all wars. Therefore to mark this momentous event, I have decided to run a series of posts outlining why the war began, why it continued and why it was so costly. This is, of course, my personal viewpoint and therefore may not be correct. But, it seems to me, that anyone’s interpretation of history’s pivotal events is as good as anyone else’s. Or could I be spouting total bollocks?   

        

On the 28th July 1914, Europe went to war. Some think that war at that time was inevitable. Certainly there were tensions between the Great Powers. But this had always been so. The problem of course was Germany. After unification in 1871, Germany became a great power. Previously it had been a collection of weak states in varying degrees of civilisation. Unification came when Prussia became preeminent in war. Feudal, stupid and brutal Prussia dominated its more civilised brethren.

Until then Europe’s leading powers had been France, Britain, Austria-Hungary and looming on the periphery, Russia. This was the status quo, until Germany arrived. With power came ambition. Germany wanted the trappings that the other Great Powers had. Like the late guest to the party it surveyed an empty table. It wanted an empire and it wanted international respect. It also needed allies. Accord with Germany’s ancient foe, France was out of the question. The annexation of French territory after the Franco-Prussian war of 1870 ruled out any compact with the proud French. Austria-Hungary seemed a natural ally. Germany shared borders and a language with the ramshackle empire. A military pact with Austria meant that an accommodation with Russia was impossible. Austria had quarrels with the Great Bear and many of Austria’s subjects were Slavs who despised the Teuton and looked east for their salvation.

Great Britain was a distinct possibility. Britain and Prussia had been allies in the past against Napoleon. The British had no love for the French. The problem was that the Kaiser had his heart set upon building a great navy. He was not content with the world’s greatest army. His vanity wanted a large fleet and he set about achieving his goal with astonishing energy. Britain, rightly saw this as threat. Britain’s predominance at sea had been unchallenged for three centuries. The appearance of this vigorous upstart building large warships caused alarm. Britain’s suggested limitations on Germany’s navy seemed to the Germans unfair, especially as Britain could continue building its ships. Germany had a large army, industry, and now wanted its navy. However, this was short sighted international policy. Germany was a land power and did not require a large navy to protect colonies it did not have. A large navy was an exercise in shear naked power and prestige. But the outcome was a potential and powerful ally, lost.       

Hereward The Wake

'Kill a Frenchy for god'

You should never meet your hero, and certainly not twice. My hero was Mr Johnson, my mathematics teacher. He taught me the beauty of the infinitesimal calculus. Apparently Newton and Leibnitz fell out over who discovered it first. My money is on Newton, although we use Leibnitz’s notation. Interesting that the two greatest intellects ever, happened to be contemporary.  After I left school (Tipton Secondary Modern), we went our separate ways. Then when I turned 21 I came across him once again in the local pub; he was pissed. Later I came across him in the local park sucking off another man. That explains why he never married. I don’t have a problem with homosexuality and could care less about folk’s sexuality. It was just tawdry, that’s all. My hero no more.

Everyone Loves a Clown

         

The Great Suspendo

Everyone loves clowns, don’t they? I remember as a kid in the 1960’s going to see the circus at ‘Tipton Fields’. This was the good old days when they actually had animals: performing elephants; a horse which could count to six, and this was before calculators. I was absolutely, fucking, mesmerised. The star of the act was the ‘Great Suspendo’, the trapeze performer. He emerged from a great height in a sequined leotard and to stupendous applause. He seemed to whizz through the air with the greatest of ease. My bright, upturned, blue eyes withheld wonder. How could a poor boy from the Black Country not be enthralled? Anyway, seems some daft local boy, employed on day’s wages, had forgot to secure one of the ropes and the ‘Great Suspendo’ fell 30 foot into a pile of elephant shit. As if on cue/poo a claque of clowns emerged. All bright, frantic and full of noise. They seemed to detract from the drab stage hands who rushed to collect the supine form of Suspendo. They even had someone raking sand over the blood spurge. Now that’s what you call professionalism.  

Well, Suspendo spent the next 12 weeks in the Dudley Royal Infirmary. The medics patched him up according to their relative skills. However somewhere, either individually or collectively, they fell short. Suspendo was never quite the same. He developed a limp and a speech impediment. He would never take to the high wire again.

Circus folk look after their own and he ran his course as a clown, until he drunk himself to death circa 1972.  

Now if you don’t find this inspiring, then you ain’t no clown.

Here are some clowns which everyone should see occasionally, if only in his/her dreams. Arse.

Kid, c'mon see my Big Mac

A Clown best relegated to experimentation with all things psychedelic

The REM sleep clown, but only if you are lucky

But this one is my personal fav

Inedia

 Maybe this breatharian is sneaking the odd hot dog

Breatharians embrace the view that they can sustain nourishment through sunlight, air or a mystical energy called ‘prana’. Some adherents partake of one, or all, of these novel routes to sustenance. Normal nutrition need not intrude. Calories are not required, at least from the usual food groups. Now this is something different from just anorexia or those folk who believe in restricted calorie intake in a deluded attempt to prolong their life. We are talking about people who deny fundamental biology. Mammals are not autotrophs and cannot photosynthesise using light. Green plants can manufacture carbohydrates from carbon dioxide and water using light energy but require the chemical, chlorophyll. We require a solid food intake, and for a healthy diet, a judicious mix of carbohydrates, protein and fats. A sufficient quantity of minerals and vitamins are generally included in a normal healthy diet.

If you go for a prolonged period without normal food, you will lose weight and eventually die of malnutrition; there are no exceptions. Those who declare otherwise are either deluded or wish to delude others, usually for personal, financial gain.

Deaths have occurred when feeble minded people have tried to hold fast (pun intended) to these tenets. Some of the supposed ‘adepts’ have been caught cheating by fulfilling their energy needs by the conventional, oral route. Those breatharians asked to undertake controlled tests have either cheated or the tests have been terminated due to concerns for the participant’s health.

Breatharianism is just another new age fad masquerading as ‘Eastern Mysticism’. Supposedly ancient and esoteric, breatharianism is nothing more than pseudo-scientific bollocks and deserves to be treated with laughable content/contempt and derision.

‘Arse, small thin arse'

This chic needs more prana

   

Another Fucking, Boring Sunday

Er, the mushrooms are on me

I was always told not to mock the afflicted. But this man's lamentable deformity just begs for comment. You never know, he could be a real fun guy.

Would you like fries with that, sir?

Just a guess, but I suspect this fella doesn't go on many dates. Nice blue eyes though. Shame about the double barrelled snot gun. Could profit from a decent skin cleanser.

You have got to ask. Who steals light beer? 

When he is 20, she will be 103 

Attraction is a strange thing. We are all different in that regard, I suppose. I happen to be attracted to tall, thin, leggy blondes. This bloke likes the older, mature lady. I suspect she is wealthy and he is not. Well, not yet.  

I suppose 'the white man's burden' would be a totally inappropriate caption. So I will refrain on this occasion. 

Sir, is that gun loaded?

Not sure which is more scary, the gun or the stretch marks. I been reliably informed that they fade with age.