Thursday, 24 September 2020

A Plea from the Fart

Hello gentle readers. I would like a little advice concerning financial matters. Interest rates the world over are at a historical/hysterical low. New Zealand, my country of choice for exile, is no exception. There is even talk of negative interest rates, which might appeal to those with a mortgage and other debt, but for those with a few pennies salted away in the bank/wank it bodes ill.  Consequently, I'm thinking of shifting considerable amounts of cash into other investment areas. I'm not so keen on the stock market. It appears way too volatile in these uncertain times and I don't want to get wiped out in a crash........

I've seriously looked at buying bullion, mostly gold and silver not only as an investment but as a hedge against possible hikes in inflation. I'm not interested in the ethereal kind, the stuff kept in the air, on paper, or some other intangible way of investing. I want to hear the jingle of precious metal and to bask in the empyrean (Flaxen, stop being a poncy twat) glow of tactile metal. I've checked various reviews from so-called expert pundits only to receive conflicting advice. Therefore, I'm uncertain as to whether the purchase of substantial amounts of bullion is a wise investment choice. Please note: I would be in for the longterm and I'm not interested in short term gain.  In addition, if I do go down this particular investment highway, would it be better just to buy bullion bars or coins and bullion? I think I need to be told.  

Anyway, folks, I would be grateful for any snippets of information and also any sage advice and comments from my erudite and intelligent readership. Ta very much.

On an unrelated note: As a treat I've just bought a trilaminated English lonbow at 43lbs. It has been a difficult time of late. Mrs S is still recovering from 12 hours of surgery and I've been in indifferent health. Luckily I have a sensible and enlightened GP who has prescribed effective painkillers, and I'm not talking about parcetamol, brufen or even Tramadol. With the pain under control I'm able to enjoy my indulgence in physical activities such as archery. Wuff bucket, arse.



20 comments:

  1. Greetings, oh flaxen one in exile. Legal spoilers prohibit giving investment advice if one is not qualified to do so. So I won't. But I can tell you that I own some clinking yellow metal, and some shares in miners of the same.

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    1. Okay, Anom, I will ponder deep from the well of wisdom, and with a little sage direction from folk more versed in the ownership of gelt, I will act accordingly.

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  3. A fart is a goodly thing
    It gives the belly ease
    It clears the head, it warms the bed
    And blows away the fleas

    Cash/investments:
    Who holds it, and how securely?
    If you buy it, how easily can you sell it again - and at what discount when you need the cash?
    Cash without backing eventually drops to zero - but is useful when there is a crisis and people need to sell their stuff quickly
    Old rule of thumb: "an ounce of gold buys a handmade suit."
    But the discovery of Anglo-Saxon gold hoards shows that gold doesn't save you when it all turns to sh*t.
    So what you invest in depends on just how badly you think things may turn out.

    NB: New Zealand is fifth on the list of countries that are most self-sufficient in food - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_food_self-sufficiency_rate

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  4. Thank you Mr S for sage advice and astonishing doggerel. I'm thinking of diverse investments. Too many ferrets in a box is not a wise choice. Put your ferrets in many boxes. Tis kind to your muscilides and good for your long term financial health. .

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  5. The rules might be different in NZ, but in the UK:
    Gold coins are sold without VAT. Assuming they are legal tender with a nominal face value, when selling them in the future there would be no Capital Gains Tax (CGT) either. Selling gold bars would still "attract" CGT.
    Schiff Gold (and sometimes Zero Hedge) often have useful advice on gold trends - Schiff are predicting the cost could double or treble in the next year or two.
    But please note: gold does not increase in value and is best viewed as money rather than an investment. (It's the fiat currencies which decrease in value, making the cost of gold increase.) I hope this helps.

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  6. Thanks Ed, it just reinforces my pursuit of more knowledge concerning this investment opportunity. Mayhap, I should put my gelt into pork bellies.

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    1. I'd happily be more specific by one-to-one email, it if would help

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    2. Indeed Sir, that would be great.

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  7. All health to Ms. S

    "....empyrean glow of tactile metal...."
    Nowt wrong with being a poncy twat; let me know when you attempt it.

    Those painkillers y'all have? Opiods?
    Meh!
    I can prescribe far better shite.

    The Tutor bought a shite load of Krugerands (when they were illegal), Pandas, Maple Leafs and Eagles when they were 400 US a Troy Oz. Sold them a few decades later in 2011 for 1700 US each. He would have done better had he bought Real Estate in Toronto, Canada instead. Arse.
    Gold is of no meaning for me. I prefer a god Pad Thai for 30 Baht on the street in BKK myself.

    Covid is making me a rich cunt. To hell with gold!

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    1. Hello M. 'I admit a goodly made Pad Thai is a gracious sight to the eye and a sensual delight upon the palate'. C'mon, ya got to admit that sounds a bit poncy. As for your script: at the mo I sticking to the Oxys. Send me the fentanyl when I decide to visit Elysium. Yea, there is gold in real estate. If I'd stayed in Auckland and bought apartments in the city 15 years ago I wouldn't have to worrying about investments now. Of course, in these uncertain times I suspect you are a tad busy. Take care.

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  8. Careful with that single asset class yellow metal gambling, Mr Flaxen. It may match your hair but that's about all it's good for, most of the time. Plus, try selling it if the financial system collapses (it won't). Diversification is the only true God of investment. All else is just shiny. Read http://www.greaterfool.ca/ - helpful for informed views on investing and although the specifics are Canadian, the general principles are absolutely spot on.

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    1. Why thank you, George. I will read and respond accordingly. Really, I am grateful. Look after M.

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    2. The comment was meant seriously, but thank you for the blessing of your humour :-)

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    3. My comment was meant seriously. Sorry, I thought you might be someone I knew from the past- something in the writing style..... From your reply you are not the 'George' I once knew. Again, apologises, no offence was meant.

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    4. No offence taken. Good luck with the pondering. Never try to time a market; you won't. Diversify globally, across all sectors, no single stocks, rebalance once, poss twice a year, and only check up on it once a quarter or so. You won't win every year but you should win much more often than you lose - which is why investing is different to gambling.

      Meant what I said about the blessing of your humour, too :-) . It's part of the reason I come here; that, and trenchant common sense.

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  9. Okay; don't write off stocks and shares. Just be discriminating and talk to a reputable broker. Buying in at this stage in a depressed market is a good idea as the only way is up. However;

    Only buy stocks paying a 3%+ dividend. It means slower growth overall, but the dividend will offset any minor losses and regularly add to your pension pot. Leave the high risk stuff to others. Energy utilities and banks tend to be safer bets. People need money and to keep warm. Those stocks will never go out of style, so unless there's a bloody good reason to sell, like you're planning to do a bunk with a suitcase of cash, don't.

    I had to sell off my bullion when we moved out of Canada, making a 24% gain over three years. So watch those spot prices for a dip and keep a close eye on the five year trends. Buy low, sell high and don't look back.

    Mrs S and I only lost $50K in March and have since made back most of our losses, which can be offset against taxes next year. Read Warren Buffett and you won't go far wrong.

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  10. Thanks Bill. I need to do my research and due diligence. This investing lark is way too complex for a simple Tipton lad. Interestingly, my son dabbles in the market and does rather well. He has suggested I do the same. I suppose I shouldn't listen to the 'Doomsayers' on YouTube preaching imminent financial collapse.

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