Sunday 26 November 2017

Mugumbo Ousted?

Enoch Mugumbo

Big fat, arse
Shock breaking news as the leader, Enoch Mugumbo, of the impoverished state, Mumbojumbo land, formerly Tiptonia, has been ousted in a military backed coup. Mugumbo has remained in office since gaining independence from Dudley North in 1980. During his tenure, thousands of Tiptonians have fallen into disused coal mines or committed suicide by repeatedly slicing themselves up with machetes.

Democracy, but not as we know it
Allegations of electoral fraud have been rampant over Mugumbo's 37 year tenure. Mugumbo's 'Darky Party' have consistently obtained over 120% of the electoral vote. Suspicions were raised when in 1990 Mugumbo's 'Darky Party' secured the election the day before the poll.

In 1980, Mugumbo seized the white-owned ferret farms. His intention, he said, was to redistribute the land between the rural poor. Instead, he gave the farms to his cronies with the last name of Mugumbo. Predictably, his lazy and mostly dozy supporters had no idea how to run a ferret farm and this once profitable enterprise collapsed into a pile of detritus and ferret shit. Inflation became rampant and the once stable. 'Mumbojumbo dollar' spiralled into a cycle of impending doom.

The king is dead, long live the queen
The final straw came in the guise of his much younger wife, Mrs Mugumbo. At 106, Mr Mugumbo wanted a seamless transition of power to his wife. Even the dimmest of his countrymen could see that the Dictatorship was to become a family business. But of course, this how the 'West Midlands' has always been run without the white folk. The military forces backed by the opposition party under the tutelage of Mr Ipod Mugumbo-Mugumbo (no relation), ousted the ailing president and forced him into retirement. Colonel Teapot Despot-Mugumbo seized power and was expected to return the 'democratic process' over to the opposition leader Mr Ipod Mugumbo-Mugumbo, however, in a press conference today the wily Colonel expressed the view that the initial stabilisation period was likely to last 100 years. In the interim, the Colonel will form a government composed of lackeys and family members. From now on the Colonel will be addressed as all highest god above all other gods etc, etc, etc.

Don't give a shit cos da got no oil or gold
The international community has expressed relief in public. But in private realise, tis business as usual. As for Mr Mugumbo, unlike his impoverished populace, he can live in opulence in a grand house while people starve. Perhaps, one day, when his bodyguard is out carousing and raping, a sound citizen will come out the bush and shoot him. Although, in fairness, tis likely the final 'report' will come from someone close, like the people he trusts the most, his bodyguard- unless the grim reaper takes him first.  

Colonel Despot-Mugumbo

No comments:

Post a Comment