|The early years|
The music industry awoke aghast today at the tragic news that: Barry 'Battered' Fritter died yesterday due to complications following a rather poor hair perm. Barry's manager and publicist, Mr Big Cigar, had this to say: "I am at a complete loss for words. Today we have lost a god amongst men, a truly wonderful human being and a veritable rock leg end". Mr Big Nose continued to drone on in this vein for the next two hours....... Mr Big Belly's biography of Barry, entitled: 'Fritter, the wretched, vile excuse for a man', appears in all good bookstores, tomorrow. All proceeds will be forwarded to Big
Ego's expansive off shore bank account.
Born Star Moondust, to Stock Broker parents, Barry, at the tender age of 43, changed his name to 'Barry Fritter' one beer-encrusted night after reading the menu in his local fish 'n' chip shop. His first clutch of stardom came when he joined the band, 'Spot the Poodle' in 1972. At that stage, the 'Glam Rock' scene was becoming rampant and Barry decided to change his persona and embark on a solo career. His first album: 'The man who fell in the canal' received critical acclaim from all the regulars in Barry's local pub, 'The Feltching Ferret', in Tipton. Indeed, it is claimed that Barry gained inspiration for the album after a jaunt along the
Birmingham to Dudley canal towpath following a heavy midnight 'jam' session at the 'Ferret'.
But Barry's career was marked with controversy and he was once 'outed' as a 'notorious heterosexual' by the tabloid papers. His established sexuality caused derision amongst the avant garde music fraternity, especially as he once publically announced, that he liked sleeping with older women.
Forever the chameleon, Barry effortlessly changed his hairstyle according to directions from his manager and stylist. During the 1970s, he coiffured his barnet into a frenzied extravaganza of lurid bangs. As the 80s burst onto the scene, Barry changed hair stylist once again and adopted a subdued pink bouffant. The 90s heralded a change of pace and the softer style was discarded for a more understated feathered mullet. And who can forget the waxed pompadour of the late 90s. The sad irony, of course, is that Barry's search for trichophillic perfection led to his downfall. For twas during a rather difficult coif teasing session that Barry inhaled deep of the heady fumes of the ammonia paste, gasped and exhaled, no more.....Arse.
Spontaneous out pouring of grief has occurred in his home town of
. Within hours of the hair cut, banners appeared in the grime weathered streets expressing heart felt comments by a community in mourning. Here are just a few of the poignant sentiments: "Get ya hair cut ya dozy wazack"; "Good riddance yahm dozy soft twat"; "We love you, battered"; etc. Tipton
Denizens of the music industry gushed and waxed lyrical about a star that is no longer with us but has returned to the firmament to cast a guttering dancing light upon the upturned faces of the rest of us poor proles with second rate hair cuts.
Barry's death comes just a week after release of his album 'Hairspray'
Take it away Bazza
'Spot the Poodle' in their heyday