Saturday, 30 November 2019

The Interview......

We are privy to the interview between Prinz Andy Dandy and the court Jester, Rosencrantz. 
Here is a faithful and true record of the proceedings as scribbled down on vellum.

Prinz Andy in repose

Rosencrantz (for it is he): "Prinz Andy Pandy, when you heard that Sir Jeffried Epstein-Barr Virus was found riddled with a hundred yard shafts what did you think?"

Prinz Andy Pandy Dandy (tis no other): "My doublet hose did twist grievously, I tell ye. The worst case of assisted suicide I’ve ever seen."

R: "it has been suggested in the scurrilous parchment, ‘The Daily Midden Pit’ that there were certain features relating to Sir Virus’ death which suggested that the arrows were let fly by purposeful hands and he was willfully slain by varlets unknown."

A: "I wasn’t there; I didn’t do it. I was down at the local bawdy house sweating a lot. You must be referring to the supposition that his head was espied in one field and his wretched torso in  t’other." 

R: "The damsel maid Upalot says that she caroused with you at the local Alehouse, ‘The Bawdy Monk’; that you bought her mead; that you performed a merry jig in her presence; that you did put your hand on her moist pudenda and afterwards you both retired to Tipton castle where you carried away her maidenhead, in a jar. What  say ye?"

A: "No, nooo, nooo, noooo, twasn’t me. I have never attended such Alehouse and when I did attend my sticky fingers were ensconced in another maiden of the same name. Also, at that date and time, I was elsewhere attending and taking part in a massacre of Frenchmen, in a field."

R: "But we have a pastel shade sketch of you with your hand on said damsel’s naughty bits." 

A: "That is me in the sketch, but I contend that the purported royal fingers were elsewhere engaged in extra-curricular activities, various/nefarious. Indeed, the fingers espied in the sketch belong to the court juggler, Donald ‘Da Dwarfed’. He was standing behind the poorly rendered wench in sepia, although at a jaunty angle, with digits a clamped on said naughty bits, cunningly contrived."  

R: "Why did you visit Virus in his castle in Dudley wilfully knowing his role in the despoilation of nubile wenches of scant years?"

A: "I’m an honourable rogue and thought it only polite that I spend two weeks in absolute luxury so that I could tell him that I wouldn’t be able to attend the orgy scheduled later that month as I had a prior orgy appointment with wenches barely in the flower of first womanhood."

Following the interview, prince ‘No Handy’ Andy has been disabused and disavowed of all his courtly duties. No longer will he have responsibility for inspecting the Tipton home for fallen nubile damsels: 6 groats a dozen.

The king, Carl, ‘The Shrubhugger’ has stripped prince Andy of any work whatsoever. Henceforth, he will retreat to his extensive/expensive estates to live a life of idle idyll living off revenues countless. This will be his punishment for getting caught.  

To be continued............

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