Thursday, 29 June 2017

Woe to the Tiptonites: Part II

Tipton before the war
Breaking news from the iridescent, scintillating town of Tipton as it rests concise and excluded in the rustling bustles of the West Midlands.

Kim un Jong, the charismatic totalitarian ruler of glorious North Korea has issued a grave warning to its erstwhile ally. In a sternly worded memorandum, Kim du Pong had this to say: “To the leaders and people of the South Tipton Democratic State (STDs), felicities. Our great nation can no longer ignore the flagrant violations of North Korea’s national sovereignty and border integrity from warmongering and hostile actions conducted by STDs. Our nation must remain strong and unsullied from Western Imperialistic cooties. Further action of a bellicose nature will invite swift action and reprisals from our well honed military machine. Weapons of unheard mass destruction will rain upon Tipton like a very heavy rain usually experienced in this locale during the latter winter period. Be sternly advised, all our ballistic missiles are aimed roughly in your general direction and once we can find a dry box of matches you are in for it, make no mistake."

The Mayor of STDs, Enoch ‘Baby Doc’ Vowel, issued a personal statement today to allay the fears of the unconcerned and heavily diseased citizens: "I am at a loss to explain the belligerent stance adopted by Kum up Bum. I can only surmise that it is correlated with our missed goodwill shipment of prime tender dogs to the North Korean Orphanage and Glorious Meat Processing Plant just outside Ping Pong. As you aware in return for sending companion dogs to orphaned children of top North Korean officials executed by large calibre anti-tank ordinance we receive statuettes of Kim is Dim, sans dodgy haircut."

When questioned about the international crisis, Mrs Edna Mugumbo had this to say: “Ooh I met that nice Mr Kim Wilde once. He gave me a signed poster extolling the virtues of hard work and rigid adherence to Marxist-Leninist dogma. Long live the proletariat!”

Wise words indeed, Mrs Mugumbo.

Surely more god than man?

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