Flaxen is bored, again

Another lazy Sunday afternoon. I know I should be tending the garden or putting up shelves, but instead I'm sequestered in my study keeping my head below the parapet trying to avoid my wife who thinks I should be tending the garden and putting up shelves.......

Frankly, I can't be arsed. I work hard all week and don't need to be rushing about like a 'rushy about thing' on my two days orf. Arse.

So for your entertainment, and mine, I have been trawling the net and have caught a crop of 'bottom feeders' for your delectation and amusement. I thank you. I know you shouldn't mock the afflicted, but I'm not a nice man and I'm possessed of a cruel sense of humour (bugger nuts) .......

Yep, this man surely loves his doll. Mustn't judge too harshly. Everyone is deserved of love, affection and a sexual outlet and not everyone can be as attractive as your gracious host. Shouldn't have scrimped, though. These days you can buy dolls with realistic features and vibratory bits. All parts are interchangeable and cum in washable warm latex, apparently.  

Ouch. This man suffers from Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, an autosomal dominant  genetic condition. Clinically and genetically this is a heterogeneous group of disorders linked by a defect in collagen production. Nuff said.   

No artificial rocket propulsion necessary. All this achieved with a healthy nutritious diet of sprouts and pulse. Bugger the ozone layer! Arse, big flatus arse.

 This obviously works for him. The goldfish are an ostentatious extra. Personally I'd like to add a few piranhas and watch him dance. "Dance for me, you fucking weirdo".

   

 

 Is it a quiff? Is it a mullet? Is it an aeroplane? I have no fucking idea and neither does he.

The Mugumbo family foraging in their natural habitat. Notice as the matriarch of the family checks that there are no following hyenas/security staff. The male members of the Mugumbo clan sit idly contemplating the arrival of their next welfare cheque.   

"Elvis has left the court room". Fuck me Elvis, working all those years in the local fish 'n' chip shop have not been kind to your demeanour and general habitus. Get ye to 'Poundland'. I thank you very much.  

That's all folks, I've ferrets to attend to........