Thursday, 2 April 2015

The King is dead, long live the King.....

One of the Mugumbos

Breaking news from Mumbojumboland in West Africa. The incumbent Emperor, Mr Jonathon Mugumbo has been defeated in democratic elections by General Despot Mugumbo-Mugumbo. Jonathon Mugumbo conceded the contest and stated that it was time to relinquish power in order that he may enjoy the rest of his life in obscurity and fantastic opulence in the South of France. He wished the new democratically elected leader 'God Speed' and left instructions in crayon, suitably and succinctly entitled: 'How to be a self serving egotistic maniacal despotic repressive corrupt leader in 12 easy steps'. Foreword by Antonius Blarrr.

General Despot Mugumbo-Mugumbo has suspended all future democratic processes and elections. All political parties have generously decided to eat their leaders and disband.

General Mugumbo-Mugumbo' s cabinet will consist of his nonagenarian father, 'Papa' Mugumbo-Mugumbo who will be minister for repression and economic policy. The General's sons, Teapot and Lighthouse will be ministers without portfolio but with AK47s.

The greatest challenges facing the new leader are extreme poverty amongst the people caused by a succession of repressive and rapacious totalitarian regimes and perhaps the greatest, and most intractable threat to this oil rich and emerging nation is from Procul Harem, a wandering troop of  70s ex-rock stars who have been blamed for a series of impromptu jam sessions in the north of the country; kidnapping young impressionable teenage groupies at will, and sponsoring the latest Gary Glitter concert tour in May: Tour Programme on request.

The 'General' (for it is he) has made it is civic duty to reassure the populous that it will be business as usual but has vowed to send officials north bound to suggest that Procul Harem and Gary Glitter are extradited to the UK, forthwith, to face tax evasion charges. Arse.

Peter Townsend


  1. There's an 'h' in Pete Townshend you ignorant nuzzie git! Not only that, but he's (1) a fucking good guitar player (2) deaf as a post!

    My hero........

    1. Yea, wot do ya expect from a dozy bugga who went to Tipton Sec Mod. Not exactly a temple of wisdom. Not all of us have had the benefit of a Public School education. And another thing, I bet your Alma Mater didn't mysteriously burn down the day after you left? Makes ya think, dun it?

    2. We did have a bloke called Owen who walked around the classroom spraying from a can of lighter fuel and then chucking a match on it. He did a similar trick with a master whose nickname was 'Screwy Cunt' because it rhymed with his name. Owen wrote 'Screwy' on his desk with lighter fuel and then lit it.

      He was good with matches. You'd have liked him...

  2. That black chap and his mates looks like ideal replacements for Debs Arnot and ASH to rid the country of smokers.