|Dudley Town Centre in times of yore|
At a specially convened crisis meeting at 'Dudley Town Hall', the incumbent Mayor, Mr Eli MacVowel (no relation), vocalised profusely: "It is time for our inebriated youth to reclaim the Town Centre. The late teenage and early 20s are the most informative times of their lives. If they remain sober how are they to experience the delights of ending up comatose in the gutter or waking up next to a complete stranger. Where will be their vast repertoire of 'off colour' anecdotes. In response to this problem I have vowed to go on a two month, all expense paid, fact finding mission to the south of
. Aiding me in this important work will be the resident concubine and nurse, Miss Flappy Old-Trout". France
A life long
Dudley resident, Mrs Edna Mugumbo, interpolated: "I despair of our teenagers, I really do. In my day we used to be pissed from noon until 3 O'clock in the morning, rampaging through the streets and abusing passerby's with the chirpy refrain, 'Eh you, yes you with the big fat arrrse' (arse)! But these days I am confronted with sober youths, singularly or in pairs, bidding me, 'good evening, maaaam".
Mr Khan, of Mr Khan's 'Cheap Liquor Emporium', echoed similar sentiments: "It's a fickin disaster, innit. I've got hundreds of crates of alcopops and white cider sitting on my shelves. All the teenagers want these days is detofuinated tofu flavoured spa water".
One of the culprits of this despicable and reprehensible behaviour, Mr Studious Mugumbo, had this to say: "I really don't have time to drink alcohol. I've got my mid-semester exams in a week and I've still got to complete my seminal essay: 'The impact of the British Empiricists on contemporary thought with special emphasis on David Hume'. Also, alcohol impairs both logical and non-linear thought processes".
The world is doomed..........
|Those bygone halcyon days|