Sunday, 4 January 2015

Japanese Sniper unearthed in a Tipton park

Private Bushido in repose

Breaking news from the picturesque hamlet of Tipton. A Japanese sniper has been discovered/uncovered lurking in the municipal midden pit within the environs of Tipton's premier recreational area- 'Tipton Park and Recreational Area'. Private (First Class) Karate Nagasaki was found sequestered on the immaculately coiffured lawn adjacent to the marble memorial to the incumbent Mayor Mr Enoch Vowel-Strangler. Private Nagasaki parachuted into the West Midlands on that fateful day of Friday, the 3rd of January, 1945. He was commissioned to assassinate the then incumbent Mayor, Mr Enoch Vowel-Strangler (Snr). Unfortunately for Nagasaki, his spectacles shattered on landing. Private Nagasaki, like all Japanese snipers, was extremely short sighted and hence was doomed to roam the park for seven decades like an itinerant Japanese tourist, sans camera.

For the last 70 years Nagasaki has subsisted on a diet of half eaten kebabs and remnants of  fish 'N' chips discarded unto the midden pit by drunken revellers after a night at a Tipton's premier night spot: 'Mr Patel's Disco Ago Go and Laundry'.   

Private (first class) Hara Kiri' s last supper

After his apprehension Nagasaki related tales of his fanatical devotion to the Emperor god and war criminal, Hirohito. Sadly, Private  Hiroshima was killed in his cell, by his 'celly', Lugless Douglas. Apparently, Dougy, took exception to Private Kendo's obsession with origami. After a particularly inept attempt to fashion the likeness of a Geisha out of used toilet paper, the Dougster snapped and strangled the dirty little nip, with his socks.   

Private Bullettrain will be tossed back into the midden pit after a private ceremony officiated by the Right Reverend, Sanctimonious Mugumbo.   

The Right Reverend Sanctimonious Mugumbo. Arse, fick. girls. 


  1. What can I say? Arse, big fat, arse. Arse....

    Poetry. Pure poetry! ;-)

  2. And people say the internet isn't informative!
    I now feel fully informed and much enriched for my visit.
    You do make I chuckle Saxon. :)