God Bless Tipton!

I need a break from writing these serious and long blog posts. I need something frivolous and simple to cool my seething brain.....

Breaking news from the principality of the United States of Tipton and Associated Environs, including West Smethwick and Netherton North (USTAEWSNN)! The latest election results confirm that the new president of the USTAEWSNN is, for it is he, Colonel Ronald MacDonald Blimp (National Bolshalist Party). His opponent in this polarising presidential election, Word Lettuce Mugumbo (Darky, Lessa and Pufta Party), has been decisively defeated and totally trumped.

Blimp campaigned from a platform emphasising his promise to tackle the overriding political issues facing the principality today. Firstly, the debasement of the Tipton groat. During his tenure, the incumbent president, Senile Decrepitus, has had the tumultuous temerity to mint billions of silver coinage not supported by the principality's silver reserves. Consequently, rampant inflation has run amock. The price of turnips, the staple of the Tipton table, has gone from the humble: one groat, one turnip, to the unabashed ten groats, one turnip. Ferret food has quadrupled in price, resulting in a much slender and disgruntled Shagger. Secondly, Blimp has vowed that he will gather up all the dirty thieving gypos that have swamped the land, chuck them unto the midden pit and expunge them by conflagration. In contrast, Lettisha's policy advocates the disbursement of free fairy wands to all and sundry and the introduction of 52 new pronouns- er, that is it.

In a speech before the election, Word Lettuce stated, with conviction: "So, I think it's very important, as you have heard from so many incredible leaders, for us at every moment in time, and certainly this one, to see the moment in time in which we exist and are present, and to be able to conceptualise it, to understand where we exist in the history and in the moment as it relates not only to the past but the future." Wise words indeed, Lettuce.

After the results were announced, the outgoing president, Ramshackle, said, "I want my milk and cookies, you hear, you no good ferret soldiers."

This election was marked by unprecedented support for Word Lettuce by noted/notorious Tipton celebs. After the results, celebs came out to weep uncontrollably, gnashing their teeth in a collective, foot-stamping tantrum.

Sartor 'Legs Akimbo' Celeri has expressed extreme dismay at the unfolding proceedings and stated volubly. "I'm leaving this land of poverty-stricken proles. I'm orwf with my cache of millions of groats to live in neighbouring Dudley. Arse."

The noted thespian and mummer, Jorge Looney, had this to say after the final results showed an unequivocal win for Blimp. "Oh wow is me. A great calamity has befallen the land. A creeping miasma of doom has belched forth, enveloping the United States of Tipton and Associated Environs, including West Smethwick and Netherton North, in a stygian darkness. Blackness and a catastrophe-laden future awaits all..... Where do I cash my check?"

Indeed, folks, we live in interesting times