Mugshots of Doom III

Gratuitus Alpaca image

Tis been noted that the posts of late have erred on the side of the ‘sensible’. My serious persona is in the ascendant. But like all things that soar into the blue yonder there comes a time when they must fall; hurtle and plummet downward toward the Earth. Gravity, the weakest of the four forces, must be appeased and placated or at least obeyed. Not even the mighty Flaxen can deny the gravitas of the situation. And so, and with veritable aplomb, and characteristic savage wit, I will plummet and scavenge the bottom dregs and detritus which coats and consumes this bounteous land.

Anyway, I thought I’d put forth, for general amusement, a sorry assortment of felonious (sadly a real word) mugshots. The folk represented are definitely the bottom feeders of society. Don’t feel sorry for their predicament and castigate my temerity for parading their visages in a freak sideshow. The gods that rule the fates have judged them and found them wanting. Watch, ingest and ponder deeply on their misfortune while contemplating the gifts bestowed upon your fair and favoured noddles.  

I suppose we can all have a bad hair day. But there is something about the 1,000-yard stare that screams METH!

He seems a happy, jolly person. The stare in this instance denotes a non-parallel gaze of no fixed abode. No doubt he is happy because of his incapacity to contemplate his predicament or anything else for that matter. Where there is no sense there is no pain. He has just enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wants to eat, but certainly no more.   

Dat man got a small jaw and a big head! Otherwise known as micrognathia and macrocephaly, respectively.  One wonders if this is a case of excessive inbreeding. Out breeding is recommended to obtain/maintain genetic variety and phenotypic vigour. If marriage between first cousins is the societal norm, within a few generations you end up with the typical specimen above. I suspect the IQ of this individual is matched only by his shoe size.  

Not sure whether said felon is the prostitute or the 'client'. Either way, this represents a most disturbing proposition. If the above is the perveyor for gain then the clientele are highly undiscerning, mad or drunk. I wouldn't rule out the possibility of all three. 

Old 'bleb head' is back in town after cranial trauma. That must have been a helluva mighty blow. How could he not resist bursting dat lump of serous fluid? Mayhap he didn't want egg on his face? This brings to mind a personal anecdote. Tis buried in this post, somewhere. Just occurred to my fevered imagination that the lump is medically induced and replete with surgical grade, sterile, isotonic saline. Often times when additional skin is required for grafting, the patient's skin is stretched in this manner to provide sufficient tissue for the procedure. Nuff said.

Strains of 'Achy breaky heart' insinuate in my brain. For some reason, which I find difficult to articulate, the image of the Emperor Nero Cladius Divi Claudius filius Caesar Augustus Germanicus comes to mind. Either way that monstrous mullet will one day take over the world. Or not, whichever the case may be.

Who's a pretty boy den? I am willing to believe that zombies are walking the earth. If you look like this then legitimate ways to obtain employment are strictly limited and a life of larceny is the only possibility. Nice blond hair though.

He seems a bit of a piratical cove. Polly da parrot may just be out of sight. Or perhaps she is preening her feathers in an adjacent cubicle and screeching "Pieces of eight". Once out on bail, he will be off to seek booty by robbing the local liquor store. Methinks I've exhausted the buccaneer sayings, at least for now. How quaint.  

The illustrated man. They say a picture paints 1,000 words. In this case, I'm guessing illiteracy. I'm also guessing prison tattoos probably executed during long periods of incarceration. What else is there to do, but desecrate/desiccate your body? It is not as if he can sit down and read a good book, is it?


Gentle reader, do you think I have been a tad harsh with my uncompromising commentary? Do I come across as unfeeling, brutal and elitist? Take heed, for I am guilty on all counts, me Lord, and rightfully judged and convicted. Arse akimbo.