Thursday, 14 August 2014

Kim Jong Cunt to visit Tipton (and Netherton North)

Who ate all the pies?

Breaking news from Tipton's only daily, national newspaper, 'The Tipton Times (featuring North Netherton).' The glorious leader of the glorious Democratic Republic of North Korea, Kim Jong Cunt has deigned to visit the glorious spa town of Tipton and Netherton North. Mr Enoch Vowel, the Mayor of Tipton had this to say about the glorious impending visit: "This is a glorious opportunity to cement concord between our great nations and forge cultural and export opportunities." When pressed about the export opportunities, Mr Vowel waxed on accordingly: "In exchange for Tipton made main battle tanks, weapons grade plutonium and dog meat, Tipton will receive large quantities of glorious North Korean mud."

Mr Patel of 'Patel's novelty trinkets and assorted tat, emporium' has already been producing life size effigies of King Cunt out of weapons grade Bakelite. The figures stand a full 6 inchons high and accentuate the glorious leader's generous paunch and ill considered haircut. The North Korean embassy has intervened and 'requested' that the representations of the glorious leader be withdrawn and replaced with models which fully reflect the reality in the Democratic Republic of North Korea. The revised models will be fashioned from purest gold and stand a majestic 6 feet and 10 inchons high. There will be no paunch, or a hint of a shite haircut. Failure to comply will result in the accidental release of radioactive mud and dodgy noodles into the midst of Tipton town centre.

Mrs Hilda Mugumbo, a life long resident of the borough, had this to say: "Who gives a shit about that fat, ugly little slope." Tragically, later that day, Mrs Mugumbo was accidentally killed in a radioactive mud and noodle slide.



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