Tis November, Tis Christmas!

Tis a beautiful, sunny, late spring day in Wairarapa, New Zealand. After a turbulent spring of unpredictable weather, I suspect we are entering a period of typical summer Wairarapa fare with hot, dry climatic conditions. 

The last day of November also marks our town's Christmas parade (arse). The main street is closed to the usual cacophony of traffic, and the town's folk are subject to a series of parade floats of varied construction and quality. In addition, there is a marching band followed by the town's dedicated and skilled Scottish piper fraternity. Tis a yearly fixture in our town. I rarely make the effort to attend; however, this year, my beloved granddaughter, Freja, is making a guest appearance on her father's company's float.  Thus myself and Mrs S dutifully arrayed ourselves with assorted proles on the sidelines. Our wait was short, and the float of interest lumbered slowly unto view. Our flaxen-haired granddaughter made her appearance stage left, and all became bathed in her beatific pulchritude. Her radiant glow bestowed charmed grace upon those in attendance, even the fat smelly folk. Once she had departed, this vista, this arena, became dull and commonplace, thus heralding our departure. It was then I noticed that I had forgotten to take my medication. O, woe is me.....  

My psychiatrist, the renowned and esteemed Prof. Mugumbo, has repeatably requested that I refrain from idealising about burning stuff. Also, my fixation on all things ferret is a grave hindrance to my future mental well-being. The Prof. may have a point. 

Numismatics

    Claudian Aureus in Great Condition

As my regulars are well aware, I have an active interest in the history of ancient cultures, particularly ancient Greece and Rome. This is of no surprise, as we directly and indirectly owe much to Greece and Rome. These ancient cultures have bequeathed much in terms of culture, art, architecture, technology, law, language, literature, and, let's not forget, war—have I left anything out? (What did the Romans do for us?)

We can learn much from the ancients. Although times change, the constant is human nature. One method we can use to garner knowledge from the past is through coinage. As a practical concept, coins came into being about 800 BC in Lydia, a region of Asia Minor. Initially, the coins were simply adorned with a plain, modest image. The concept spread quickly throughout the Mediterranean region, and the first Greek coins were minted around the 7th century BC. The implementation of coinage offered many advantages over the simple barter it replaced. Coinage containing precious metals of known weight offered standardisation and credibility backed by government power and prestige. This innovation facilitated both internal and international commerce muchly.

By hook and by crook, I  seem to have inherited various pieces of old coinage. Most are British and not particularly old. Indeed, the oldest British currency I sport in my limited collection is the strange and out-of-place 'Two Pence Cartwheel ' minted in 1797'. This rather large coin proved unpopular with merchants of the day, perhaps because of its size. The coin was minted in Birmingham, a large and rather unloved city adjacent to the beloved borough of Tipton. Anyway, at the time of mint, the Crown stipulated the coin should contain two pence of copper as valued at that time, hence its large size. It has remained an anomaly in British coinage history never to be repeated. I also own several silver Victorian crowns of excellent condition. However, the pride of my collection is a coin minted 2,000 years ago.

I have the honour of being the proud recipient of a gold aureus commemorating Claudius' invasion and conquest of Britain in 43 AD. Tis a coin replete with propaganda, emphasising Claudius' great achievement. Conquering a country is something to gloat about. Claudius is a fascinating character/caricature from history. He was thrust unto greatness by chance and circumstance. After the assassination of the alluring and frankly odd Caligula in 41 AD, poor Claudius was found dallying behind palace drapes by the Praetorian guard. Once discovered, Claudius lay prostrate in fear. But fate favoured the fool, and he was granted the greatest gift of the ancient world. And thus, he was made Emporer of Rome and all its possessions (Tipton was not a Roman province at the time). Claudius was an unlikely candidate for the purple. According to history, he was afflicted by several unpleasant maladies which distracted from the majesty of the ultimate accolade. His ticks, stutter and ungainly gait, must have made him an unruly spectacle in public. In private, he would have had to suffer the indignities of his close family's scrutiny.  

Throughout life  Claudius had been sequestered in the cloisters due to his health problems. Unlike his kin he had not been allowed to undertake military glory. To advance in Roman society and politics, a military career was mandatory.  Bereft of military experience Claudius faced a problem of credibility. He needed a military victory to cement his position as emporer. But where to go? There was the perennial problem of the Germans. However, the Germans were always a proud, stubborn race ready for violence. Best leave them behind their dark, dank, weary forests. After all, the Rhine was too alluring as a defensive line/lime. Britainia seemed an easier mark. They were no match for Caeser's legions a hundred years before. Therefore, in 43 AD, the Roman invasion of Britain began in earnest and troops under Aulus Plautius landed in Kent. Initially, the invasion went smoothly and to plan, and by 46 AD, the Romans felt comfortable enough to issue a gold coin lauding their victory over the Britains. One side of the coin shows a triumphal arch with the inscription. 'DE BRITANN'. Also, we have a fella riding a horse flanked by two sets of armour and arms representing spoils of war. On the other side, we have a rather flattering portrait of Claudius in repose with the legend, TI CLAVD CAESAR AVG P M TR P VI IMP X. 

Through the modern lens, Claudius has come to be considered a mild, studious, and avuncular emporer. This is perhaps due to Robert Graves's writings and best-seller, 'I CLAVDIVS'. In truth, he was not as benevolent as portrayed and had a bloodthirsty streak, just like his predecessor, the much-reviled Caligula. Claudius also had a habit of picking the wrong women as consorts. Messalina and Agrippina proved to be disastrous. Historians are of the opinion that Agrippina was active in sending old Claudius off to reside with his ancestors. Once Claudius was out of the way. Agripinna's son, Nero, became emperor. And as we are aware, Nero is not considered one of Rome's most beloved rulers.     

My coin has suffered a great deal of wear, probably as a consequence of hundreds of years of circulation. In numismatic circles, the condition of the coin is paramount. For instance, if the coin in question is graded as 'extra fine (XF)' condition at auction, it can expect to fetch in the region of US $50,000. My coin offers no interest to collectors and, therefore, is worth its gold content which is subject to the fluctuating gold price. I estimate that in bullion terms, it is worth no more than US $120. That said, there is something magical to own a coin representing a historical event stretching back two millenium.         

God Bless Tipton!

I need a break from writing these serious and long blog posts. I need something frivolous and simple to cool my seething brain.....

Breaking news from the principality of the United States of Tipton and Associated Environs, including West Smethwick and Netherton North (USTAEWSNN)! The latest election results confirm that the new president of the USTAEWSNN is, for it is he, Colonel Ronald MacDonald Blimp (National Bolshalist Party). His opponent in this polarising presidential election, Word Lettuce Mugumbo (Darky, Lessa and Pufta Party), has been decisively defeated and totally trumped.

Blimp campaigned from a platform emphasising his promise to tackle the overriding political issues facing the principality today. Firstly, the debasement of the Tipton groat. During his tenure, the incumbent president, Senile Decrepitus, has had the tumultuous temerity to mint billions of silver coinage not supported by the principality's silver reserves. Consequently, rampant inflation has run amock. The price of turnips, the staple of the Tipton table, has gone from the humble: one groat, one turnip, to the unabashed ten groats, one turnip. Ferret food has quadrupled in price, resulting in a much slender and disgruntled Shagger. Secondly, Blimp has vowed that he will gather up all the dirty thieving gypos that have swamped the land, chuck them unto the midden pit and expunge them by conflagration. In contrast, Lettisha's policy advocates the disbursement of free fairy wands to all and sundry and the introduction of 52 new pronouns- er, that is it.

In a speech before the election, Word Lettuce stated, with conviction: "So, I think it's very important, as you have heard from so many incredible leaders, for us at every moment in time, and certainly this one, to see the moment in time in which we exist and are present, and to be able to conceptualise it, to understand where we exist in the history and in the moment as it relates not only to the past but the future." Wise words indeed, Lettuce.

After the results were announced, the outgoing president, Ramshackle, said, "I want my milk and cookies, you hear, you no good ferret soldiers."

This election was marked by unprecedented support for Word Lettuce by noted/notorious Tipton celebs. After the results, celebs came out to weep uncontrollably, gnashing their teeth in a collective, foot-stamping tantrum.

Sartor 'Legs Akimbo' Celeri has expressed extreme dismay at the unfolding proceedings and stated volubly. "I'm leaving this land of poverty-stricken proles. I'm orwf with my cache of millions of groats to live in neighbouring Dudley. Arse."

The noted thespian and mummer, Jorge Looney, had this to say after the final results showed an unequivocal win for Blimp. "Oh wow is me. A great calamity has befallen the land. A creeping miasma of doom has belched forth, enveloping the United States of Tipton and Associated Environs, including West Smethwick and Netherton North, in a stygian darkness. Blackness and a catastrophe-laden future awaits all..... Where do I cash my check?"

Indeed, folks, we live in interesting times

The Problem With Academia Part II

I naively thought that this topic could be mastered in a single blog post. This is not to be. The more I researched, the more I realised that, at the very least, two posts would be required, perhaps more.   

In a previous post, I examined the murky world of 'Academia' and discussed some of the issues that undermine the higher education system as a whole (Refer to post, 'The Problem With Academia Part I'). In today's post, I intend to take a different tack. I would like to address a topic rarely/barely broached and that is the problem of 'Academic Fraud'.  

Generally, the folks who are attracted to a career in science are not driven by expectations of becoming wealthy. Smart individuals would be better served financially if they pursued a career in law, finance, medicine or politics. There is a common conception that folk who become scientists do so because of a deep underlying curiosity to seek out new knowledge and expand their area of study for the good of mankind. Scientists are represented as being idealistic, unselfish, unworldly individuals. Perhaps unkempt and socially awkward loners with a penchant for deep intellectual thought and deep insight. Scientists hanker after a world-shaking discovery. A breakthrough in their field of study that will rewrite the history books and propel mankind into a new epoch of scientific endeavour. Enough of the histrionics, Flaxen. Let's look at the truth.    

The Reality

Scientists are no different from anyone else. As a professional scientist, I can attest to the average scientist's commonplace and banal character. As a group, they are prone to the same foibles and weaknesses that are universal. Don't believe the dominant media and societal conception of the typical scientist as 'head in the air', bookish, and socially inept. Scientists differ little from other educated, professional folk in their society. In other words, and on the whole, they are a boring lot.

Enter at your own risk- there be Dragons

Introductory Bit

Part of the problem is the 'System' itself. Anyone dreaming of an academic career faces numerous, sometimes overwhelming, challenges and hurdles. Regardless, there will always be students who are prepared to undergo the perils of higher education in the hope that they can carve out a career as a bona fide academic. Tis a perilous journey, and many will fall by the wayside in their pursuit of sublime academic repose. 

First, the enterprising student must obtain the necessary academic credentials. What follows relates specifically to the UK. Obviously, a bachelor's degree is just the start, then a master's degree and finally, the much-coveted doctor of philosophy degree (PhD). Usually, to obtain the necessary competitive funding for your PhD, you will be required to achieve a First or Upper Second Honours. There are exceptions to this rule. Having a father who is an esteemed professor in the field is a help.

The Dream. The Problem 

You are now prepared for the journey. To begin that journey, the bright-eyed and suitably educated candidate must attain a post-doctoral research position at a suitable academic institution. These positions are of a fixed term and usually no more than three years in duration. The funding is obtained from a government grant or from a commercial source. Obviously, there is a limited amount of funds available for disbursement, and thus, competition is fierce. Once suitably ensconced, the pressure to write scientific papers and publish in prestigious journals is intense. Your professorial supervisor wants publishable results. Every paper you publish sports the name of the supervisor, thus enhancing his/her professional prestige/ranking, hopefully leading to the attraction of more research gelt. And, thus, there is an incentive to produce good quality research that is worthy of publication. Sadly, not all research is sexy or productive, especially in the short term. I can personally attest to this issue. After three years of research endeavour, I was unable to produce a corpus worthy of publication- nuff said. By its nature, research seeks to expand into the unknown, trying to tease out true, verifiable knowledge. Most work is slow and tedious, with many blind ends. The poor post-doc is under the strain and burden of producing publishable work. Inevitably, there is a strong push for bulk publishing. Perhaps work that would have constituted a single paper fifty years ago is now split into three. For the unscrupulous researcher, there is an impetus to generate good positive results, and maybe those results can be gently teased toward perfection by omitting outlying or contrary data (just saying). The system, as it is currently applied, rewards the dishonest. 

After a successful stint as a post-doc, there is the possibility of obtaining a renewal of funds or perhaps a post-doctorial role becomes available at another institution. However, the 'Holy Grail' (where is the holy hand grenade of Antioch when you need it?) is academic tenure. These positions are rare and highly sought after. Your previous attainments as a post-doc now become vitally important. If tenure is obtained, you are effectively entering the hallowed world of academia as a lecturer, researcher and administrator. But forget about resting on your laurels. Your supervising professor will apply pressure for continued publication, as before. But now, you will be expected to apply for research grants yourself. With research gelt, you can now engage your own post-graduate students and post-docs, all producing publishable research. In general, the greater the volume of published work, the greater you will be rewarded. A heady mix of carrot and stick and a dangerous enticement to 'enhance' and 'tidy up' data; perhaps.......

Enough, Flaxen, Stop The Rant 

A little thoughtful reflection and balance is required. I would not like my readers to think that the whole of 'Academia' is an evil empire imbued with the sole purpose of exploitation and the generation of large quantities of all that sweet, sweet gelt. No doubt there are serious issues that need to be brought forth, discussed, and hopefully addressed.  After all the system is a reflection of the society under which we strain. Capitalism is not without its problems, but it is the best political and economic system we have. Unremitting greed is not without its merits.

In the same vein, I don't want folks to go away thinking that a large percentage of scientists are scheming, lying, conniving fraudsters; that is not the case. Most scientists express a genuine interest in their work, do not knowingly fiddle with their data and operate with integrity. For the most part, it is a small sector of the scientific community that cause the most damage.   

In the second post, I'll examine a couple of high-profile cases of frank deception, consider the data outlining the incidence of fraud in general, and discuss how the problem is to be addressed.