Wednesday 4 February 2015

George Formby: Turned out nice again, for the second time

Big headed, twat
As you will recall, George Formby was born in North Tipton on the 32nd of Julember, 1904. Born into a family of travelling vaudeville folk, his education was sketchy at best and he only managed to count to ten with the help of 'Archie the educated ferret'. Archie entertained and regaled voyeurs throughout the 1920s and 1930s with his astonishing ability to add, subtract and perform multiplication with a minuscule, tailor made, abacus which he secreted about his lithe slender body with characteristic aplomb. George was never a slouch when it came to secreting his ukulele which could often be found in the rancid folds of his capacious scrotum. I've digressed.

As forementioned in my previous post: 'Turned out nice again', big toothed George invented the George Formby grilling banjo. By the simple expedient of attaching a banjo to the gas main, and placing said article at an angle of 35 degrees, George was able to cash in on a hitherto blatant hole in the 'grilling market'. Thereafter he enjoyed great commercial success. However, happiness eluded/deluded him once again.

The grilling teapot, in repose

His second wife, Mabel, was a slovenly slattern of woman given to flamboyance  and ostentation. A woman renowned for spending his hard earned money on fripperies and assorted sundries and with a penchant for bestrewing her form with expensive apparel of dubious provenance. She goaded fulsome, toothsome, George into inventing bigger and better, lean mean, grilling machines in order that she could continue spending, anew. The grilling harp was less of a commercial success due to the likelihood of food slipping between the strings thereby alighting on the floor to be consumed by passing curs and drunks. This prompted George to branch out into instruments not inherently stringed in nature. The oboe and the clarinet where quickly discounted due to their peculiar resonance. Eventually, he settled on the kettle drum. This rather singular and particularly taut drum showed promise. But by now the market had become saturated by various vaudeville performers and washed up boxers hoping to cash in and emulate George's initial success. Alas, although the concept was sound, the spending public had become enamoured with the 'Grilling Teapot'. George could never encapsulate his antecedent success; recapitulation would never be his friend. Disgruntled with his failure, Mabel left George for an itinerant teapot salesman, aptly named, Mr Teapot Mugumbo. George was thrown in the deepest of despond. But just as his situation appeared terminal he endured an incredible stroke of luck......To be continued.    

Mr Teapot Mugumbo

1 comment:

  1. Is that the same George Formby that fought Mugumbo Ali in the rumble in the jungle?