Monday, 3 November 2014

What lurks within......

This one is called Malcolm
When lying alone at night, naked, exposed, vulnerable and afraid of the dark, have you ever been tempted to probe the deep recesses of your belly button with diligent digits and retrieve the accumulated detritus gathered therein?

An Austrian researcher has been collecting his own 'navel lint' for years. Not only does he have the world's largest collection, according to the Guinness book of records, but he has also published a seminal work on this topic in a bespoke scientific journal. Dr Steinhauser (for it is none other) has examined over 500 pieces of self garnered lint and has come up with some remarkable conclusions. It will come as no surprise that most of what lies within is cotton fibres, intermixed with dead skin cells, fat, sweat and dust.

Hairy folk collect more lint than the hairless. The swirl of hairs direct fibres into the gaping maw that is the belly button and here it is mixed by rhythmic movements of the solar plexus resulting in a claggy ball. So if you want to maintain a clean, pristine and lint free navel you are advised to shave the immediate environs with pertinacious aplomb.    

I have been collecting my midrif fluff for years. Finally I have enough to start to fashion a rendition of my ferret, 'Shagger'. As you can see, it is work in progress. It may take another year or so before I am able to give Shagger some limbs.

Shagger doing his Arthur Askey impression

4 comments:

  1. What the fuck!..this shit aint right, I am used to bloggers spinning /expanding and damn well lying to make a blog post sound interesting but this shit is probably the weirdest bollocks ever and it could well be true.

    You got yourself a new reader/follower flaxen.

    Rickie

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    1. I trust you will play nicely over here, Rickie? I promise not to tell anyone you're here!...

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  2. Yes guvnor....you won't get no problems.

    Don't send the boys round will ya...just our little secret.

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    1. *chuckle* Rickie I wondered where you had been It's nice to see you :)
      Flaxen writes some amazing and fascinating articles I love his bizarre and interesting take on things.
      What I especially like is you never know what's true and what's not.

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