George, stop being a twat......
George Formby was born in abject poverty in
Tipton circa 1904, next to the ill famed ‘Ferret Factory of fun’, a bawdy house of ill repute. His
formative years were spent cleaning windows and when not gainfully employed he would often be found leaning on a lamp post. His big break came in 1932 when he
invented the ‘George Formby grilling banjo.’ His great insight was to tilt a hot banjo at a jaunty angle of 45 degrees. In this way the molten lard rolled clean orf
the food and wended its way to the adjacent midden pit. Inventions
thereafter came thick and fast. Who can forget the ukulele that doubled as a
|Still a twat|
In 1940 ‘Fulsome Toothed George’ married a shrew of a woman called Agnes, although from some angles Agnes resembled a ferret and this association was somewhat reinforced by her penchant for gnawing through electric cables. Under her baleful gaze George ascended to new dizzy heights of culinary genius and invented an electric guitar which doubled as a deep fat fryer. But in 1948 Agnes was electrocuted during an ill advised mastication session involving a 240 volt transformer. This was an all too common occurrence in the Formby household, however on this occasion the transformer happened to be plugged into the electric supply.
|Agnes before the accident|
George was never quite the same and began frequenting the local hostelries thereabouts. It was during an ill fated night of inebriation that George had an epiphany. He awoke, stark bollock naked, on a park bench, at 4am in the morning, with a Chinaman sucking his toes. The Chinaman with the toe fetish turned out to be none other than Mr Wu (it could be no other) and they decided there and then to go into the laundry business together...........Arse bucket.
To be continued............