Wednesday, 25 November 2015

Ode to a Weta

Weta of Doom

O Weta, where is thy sting,
It is in my arm pumping poison, with alacrity and aplomb.
O Wetta, how can you sting me through my very thick sweater?
You don’t have a sting, neither. 

Commentary
You will have to forgive the 'double negative' in the last line and put it down to 'poetic license'. To be honest, I struggled with the metre and medication.

I thought it necessary to comment on my little ditty in order to deflect censure and to provide context. Wetas are insects indigenous to New Zealand. They are found in a range of habitats and comprise about 70 distinct species. They are large, nasty looking, and mimic the disconcerting habitus of a cockroach. They are bereft of sting, but the largest of the species can give a nasty nip. My ferret, Shagger, chomps on them with relish- at least it keeps him away from the native birds such as the Kiwi. "What's that, Shagger? You eat the Kiwis as well, but only when I'm distracted by shiny things". That will explain why I keep finding feathers in my duvet. Bad ferret! No small kibble for you tonight. Your punishment: I shall release you into the bush. There you can contemplate your folly and seek repentance. Also, I need a few more feathers for my pillow.  

Little known fact: In Maori, 'Weta' means- 'fat arsed cockroach'.       Arse



6 comments:

  1. But we (her in the old country) have quite a collection of fat-arsed cockroaches.

    They can be found in the Palace of Westminster, Whitehall offices and a multitude of Town Halls/Civic Centres throughout the country.

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    1. "(here in the old country)" of course. Curse these incompetent fingers...

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    2. To be honest Ted, I'm lost to British politics these days. We hear nought in Nuzzyland. What I pick up is from our good friend Dioclese. And nothing what I read makes me happy....

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  2. That's a child's hand, right?
    I particularly love the Wetapunga from the Little Barrier Islands. They have a captive breeding and release programme for them. Did you know that? It seems both the Kiwi and the Wetas suffer greatly at the hands of introduced-by-the-white-fuckers mammalian species.
    God! I hate white people!

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    1. That is my hand and it spans a quarter league. Ya not running out of steam, are ya. Your comments are becoming pedestarian and lack your natural fire and panache. I think I'm losing you again...... Noted that your place lacks comment. Is G becoming jealous of our rapport?
      Wetas and Kiwis have evolved in highly priveged environments. The introduction of Western species adds vigour. You don't hate white folk, you emulate.

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    2. "......You don't hate white folk, you emulate...."

      You are quite incorrect in your first declarative, but correct in your second. I do hate the Caucasoid, but I do emulate some of the characteristics and philosophies they embody. For instance, I do consider myself superior to all races save my own - just like they do.

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