Thursday, 30 April 2015

Total Eclipse

A wandering troop of minstrels

It was announced today that the forthcoming total eclipse of the sun will achieve totality exclusively in the picturesque Metropolitan Spa town of Dudley. Scientists, pick pockets and wandering minstrels are expected to flood into this delightful West Midlands town to view and take advantage of this once in a lifetime event.

Professor Dumbarse Mugumbo, of the Astrology Department, University of Dudley, had this to say: “The total eclipse of the sun is generally associated with dire calamities and devastation of biblical proportions. I prophesise, that in this instance, a giant Hippo will devour the sun in bite size pieces. The good burghers/buggers of Dudley are well advised to beat kettle drums to drive away the giant and errant Hippo. I’m hoping the wandering minstrels will join in the fray as they are suitably endowed with the relevant instrumentation. Otherwise, we are all doomed, DOOMED I tell ye”!

Mr Eric Uptohisarseinshit, Head Keeper of the Hippo enclosure at Dudley Zoo, pontificated sagely: “We are keeping a wary eye on all our Hippos, especially ‘Naughty George’. He has a history of escaping and gallivanting down Dudley High Street, incapacitating kettle drum banging minstrels- Arse. We are also keeping an eye on Shagger, the ferret, just in case".

Naughty George under close supervision

Shagger, the ferret, was unavailable for comment (Go Shagger!).

Mr Khan, formerly the owner of ‘Mr Khan’s Cheap Shit Emporium’, has in commemoration of this wondrous occasion changed the name of his store to: ‘The Hungry Hippo’.

Shagger contemplating the apoca-eclipse 

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