Free faggots and peas!

'Nipper' of the Yard

Controversy has erupted again in the sleepy hamlet of Tipton. In the run-up to the hotly contested ballot to elect the Mayor of Tipton, there have been claims of blatant ‘bleating’ by the incumbent Mayor, Mr Enoch Vowel. The accused, rival candidate, Mr Sausage Roll (for it is he), has been caught distributing free ‘faggots and peas’ to the local orphanage in flagrant violation of political ordinance 290-5765, to wit: ‘Tis an offence under the Electoral Governance Rule to distribute sweetmeats to those in dire need of sustenance and succour’.

Chief Inspector, ‘Nipper of the Yard’, Mugumbo, pontificated waxily: “We at the Yard take this sort of thing very seriously. I have been working with my father in law, Mr Vowel, on this blatant infraction of the electoral code. Be assured, the full weight of the law will descend upon Mr Roll like a lead truncheon with a nail through the end".

Mr Roll reposted: “It is a good thing they didn’t find out about the £100,000 I ‘gifted’ to the Returning Officer to rig the election. Arse". 

For context, read and weep