Tuesday, 21 April 2015

Jesus of Tipton

Prof Mugumbo contemplating tenure
Further evidence has been obtained supporting the proposition that Jesus of Nazareth visited Tipton during the years between the Gospels. By closely scrutinising Nostradamus' opaque quatrains, Professor Gullible Mugumbo of 'Tipton University of Difficult Shit and Stuff', is convinced that our Lord visited Tipton accompanied by Mary Madeleine during the 10th century AD. Furthermore, collaboratory (not a real word) evidence suggests that Jesus spent time at the court of the mad Saxon King of Tipton, 'Flaxen the Ferret'. The pertinent quatrains read thusly:   

When the land of the Saxons is ruled by the son of 'Harold the Addled',
A great star will become ascendant over Mr Khan's Emporium of Shoddy Goods'.
Then a man, if he be a man, shall tarry in the mad King's Garth,
And there shop mightily at Mr Khan's expansive/inexpensive (plastic Buddha's, 10 for a quid), boutique.

And there Jesus (for it is he) will preach on Dudley Mount,
And teach of the wondrous goods to be purchased in Mr Khan's shop.
Verily he will bugger off to the Holy land,
Where upon alighting, he shall be nailed to a piece of wood whilst praising Mr Khan's very reasonable prices- sale on this Sunday, 50% of all pieces of the 'true cross'.

"Surely this represents incontrovertible proof that Jesus sojourned in 'Dark Age' Tipton", spaketh Professor Mugumbo.

However, sceptics remain among the good citizens of Tipton. Mr Enoch Vowel, the incumbent Mayor of Tipton, riposted accordingly: "There is no doubt in my mind that this constitutes an intricate and elaborate fraud perpetrated/perpetuated by none other than Mr Khan, he of Emporium fame, and is simply a tawdry attempt to bolster his ailing and decrepit business. Anyone can see that the quoted quatrains have been interpolated into Professor Mugumbos' copy of Nostradamus' 'Les Propheties', in crayon.

On hearing Mr Vowel's stark revelation, Professor Mugumbo remained unrepentant: "I will continue my valuable research under the auspices and endowment supplied by the 'Khan Foundation' ".

Uncharacteristically, Mrs Lardarse Mugumbo was unavailable for comment.  

Mrs Lardaaaaaaarrrrrrssse Mugumbo (Arse)

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