Friday, 10 April 2015

Meet Ed, the 'Intelligent Horse'

'The fall of Tipton'

'Ed the Nag' demonstrated his uncanny talent at Tipton Park last Sunday. As you all will recall, Ed 
Equus, was trained/engrained from an early stage to perform easy repetitive tasks and arithmetic with the aid of a cattle prod up his capacious rectum. Thus suitably imbued he would answer mundane mathematical conundrums with a simple pawing of the dirt. For instance, if a bystander asked: "What is the summation of 2 + 2", Ed after a suitably long pause, would galvanise into inaction and eventually 'tap' with his hooves until the correct answer was achieved, just as the cattle prod was removed. However, on that fateful day, his knack to summate went awry. When asked to formulate, 7 x 6, he faltered and tapped out 12. Some say the batteries in the cattle prod had eventually relinquished life. Others state, with some justification, that Ed's ARSE was always the mediator of his meagre talent, cattle prod or no. Perhaps the prod stirred enough shit to effuse/ooze and stimulate a knee jerk response. Regardless, an Ed without a knack is off to the knackers yard to have his testicles removed by his keeper, Ed Moribund (no relation), henceforth, to be known, as 'Ed no Balls'.     

Shagger on graduation- no prod visible


  1. As I said to Ed Balls only the other day "See you next Tuesday". Of course, being thoroughly modern, I did it in txt spk...