Vowel Town will rise again!

Dudley: "Venice of the West Midlands"

After unprecedented rain, the Dudley to Birmingham canal burst its banks yesterday spewing millions of tons of turgid water and associated detritus over the once picturesque spa town. Rusty prams and dead gypos have been deposited as far as the roof of  'Mr Patel's Emporium for Cheap and Shoddy Crap.' In a recent interview, Mr Patel had this to say: "It is an unmitigated disaster, innit. All my plastic models of Noah's Ark and pieces of 'The true Cross of Christ' have floated clean away and have been replaced with rusty bicycles and a dead tramp called, 'Filthy Eric.' It will be days before I can remove all the pieces of Eric, from the till."

A crisis team has been hastily put together and led by the incumbent Mayor, the Right Honourable, Enoch Vowel. Mr Vowel pontificated lyrically from his hilltop mansion today: "I am directing rescue operations from my comfortable and dry six-bedroom mansion. I have been sequestered in the master bedroom with my voluptuous secretary, Miss Fanny Akimbo, working on a plan for the rejuvenation of Dudley town centre. After teaching Miss Akimbo to read and write I will rapidly move on to formulate the rebuilding of Dudley, or as it will be subsequently known: 'Vowel Town'."

Vowel contemplating Fanny

A life long resident of Dudley, Mrs Teapot O'Mugumbolinski, waxed verily: "This used to be a great place to live until dead foreigners started to float onto my property. I now have a Lithuanian growing in my garden. Although I have to admit, the plastic rendition of Noah's Ark which washed up on my sideboard is a sheer delight. And the pieces of the 'True Cross' have come in very handy in relieving the burden of my ear wax build up." Mrs Teapot O'Mugumbolinsky drowned later that day.

Mrs Teapot 'I don't like darkies' O'Mugumbolinski just prior to the immersion