|Mr Vole-Strangler canvassing for votes|
Electioneering starts in earnest in the picturesque Spa town of Dudley. The incumbent Conservative Mayor, Mr Enoch Vole-Strangler, is campaigning on the dual ticket of annexation of Tipton and free pizza for the electorate. In addition, he will maintain the status quo and ensure that the council's ‘expense’ budget remains unaccountable/uncountable by the auditors. He will also invoke the hereditary principle whereby all his legitimate offspring are guaranteed candidature in safe seats, for life, in nice profitable upper middle class neighbourhoods.
Vole-Wrangler faces stiff opposition from a glittering array of political parties featuring:-
The Dudley Independence Party fronted by Mr Eli Mirage: Mr Mirage is also standing on the free pizza platform (next to the 3.30pm train to Stourbridge), but in contrast to Mr Vole-Dangler, this concession will not extend to dirty, filthy gypos and those swarthily complected (not a real word). Also, he remains committed to removing Dudley from the West Midland Economic Union. He avers that that the good citizens of Dudley have devolved too much power to the ‘fat ferrets’ of Birmingham City Municipal Council. He vows to regain Dudley’s political independence and stem the flow of funds to the coffers of Westmidlands- funds which are being squandered on free pizza for the whole metropolitan district.
|Bureaucratic 'fat ferret'|
The Green party stand on the platform above, except that free pizza will be completely made of tofu and lentils. In addition, the voting franchise will be extended to all trees, except the native ones. It will be a capital offense to speak ill of vegetable matter. All electric power will be derived from perpetual motion machines thus negating the use of fossils fuels which represent unfair exploitation of long dead plant material.
|Let me introduce your Green candidate|
|Mussolini extolling the virtues of free pizza|
The good Burghers of Dudley await the election results with trembling, intrepid, trepidation……… Arse.