Shit Names

Now I’m fairly certain the wise readers of this blog are unlikely to name their offspring Lucifer. What about Anal?  Believe it or not, New Zealand parents have actually had these names rejected by the Registrar of Births, Marriage and Deaths. The Registrar has not always been so discriminating. In 2008, twins were successfully named Benson and Hedges. Number 16 Bus Shelter is now four years old. If you was wondering: these are all boy’s names (obviously). I suspect that little Bus Shelter (as he likes to be called, these days) was named according to the locale of his conception. In part I blame the celebs. Some are clearly not part of the real world and this is often reflected in the poor name choices for their offspring. Pity poor Pilot Inspektor, Jermajesty and Sage Moonblood. I’m sure their classmates will prove kind. Home schooling may be the best option, as long as the parents are not involved in the education process. The good folk of Sweden are much more sensible. While Lego and Google have been sanctioned, Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116, pronounced Albin, was not.   

There are two interrelated points to be made here. Firstly, I’ve always believed that the State’s sole obligation to the individual is to maintain order and leave us to get on with our lives unfettered by bureaucratic interference (mayhap this principle should be applied to enlightened folk only-wad ya think?). The state should have no say in our personal life choices, regardless how ill-judged they may be- may Woden give them wisdom. Secondly, no sensible individual would argue that this principle should apply to minors. The government has a moral and legal obligation to intervene if a child is subject to physical, emotional or psychological harm. I argue that saddling a child with a ridiculous or weird name constitutes such harm. The problem, of course, is deciding when a name transcends bad taste and becomes a social burden. The registrar is expected to apply ‘common sense’ rules. Names will be rejected if they cause offense to a reasonable person or if it includes a royal name or title. Numbers and symbols are also disallowed.

In spite of their names it is my heartfelt hope that these children grow up to be well adjusted adults. I fear that parents prone to making poor name choices are also likely to make poor life choices, in general. Most of the subsequent harm inflicted upon their children is not subject to legislation and may only become apparent, to a wider society, when their kids mature, if they ever do.  

The other point I would like to make is that some people are irredeemably stupid. Celebrities are not immune to stupidity, although in their instance money compensates for so many defects in their lives, as it does in ours. Alas, there is no ordinance against stupidity. By the way, Tallulah does the Hula in Hawaii is apparently doing well. Especially since a Family Court ruled she that she be taken into court custody so that her name could be changed. Not all the judiciary are imbued with self-evident, sound common sense.    

Since you asked, my children are called Saxmund and Hroslindi. These are my legitimate offspring. As for my bastards…..