Happy Birthday, Flaxen Saxon

This is a recent picy of Hendrick 'The Hamster.' I sometimes have recourse to integrating him into my personal body guard.  What he lacks in physical strength and stature he makes up in shear gnawing power. Don't be fooled by the cute demeanor.You don't want this rodent a nibbling on your colon, unless of course you are a famous actor who by virtue of the defamatory laws will remain nameless. Arse, big sore arse. By the way, that's no tail a protruding. Hendrick assures me that he is hung like a gerbil- say no more.

Today is Flaxen’s birthday. Fifty eight summers have beetled this brow and sowed silver in the spun gold of my hair. My prostate waxes mightily and constricts once patent and flexible tubes. A good day is a sustained erection and a lack of blood in the flow. A bad day is a sustained erection. Chaffs mightily against rough Jutish cloth. Viagra is not all it’s cracked up to be and there be no warning about priapism in the accompanying literature. This ditty was supposedly composed by son, Athelstan ‘The Unsteady.’  He lies like a flat fish, just like his dad. Good man my son.   

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Too good to waste, Dioclese got his mate ChasC to move it round a bit and set it to music. Here's the result :

Happy Birthday by ChasCMusic

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! 

Doom and gloom and dark despair
People dying everywhere!
On your Birthday!  Happy Birthday!

It's your Birthday!  Happy Birthday!
May the candles on your cake
Burn like cities in your wake.
On your Birthday!  Happy Birthday!

It's your Birthday!  Happy Birthday!
Your servants steal, your wife's untrue
Your children plot to murder you
On your Birthday!  Happy Birthday! 

It's your Birthday!  Happy Birthday!
Burn the castle and storm the keep
Kill the women, but save the sheep
For your Birthday!  Happy Birthday! 

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday!
Birthdays come but once a year
Marking time as Death draws near
On your Birthday!  Happy Birthday! 

It's your Birthday! Happy Birthday!
Now you've aged another year
Now you know that Death is near
On your Birthday! Happy Birthday! 

It's your Birthday!  Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Now that you're the age you are
Your demise cannot be far
On your Birthday!  Happy Birthday! 

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday!
Black Death has just struck your town
You yourself feel quite run-down
On your Birthday! Happy Birthday! 

It's your Birthday!  Happy Birthday!
Burn, then rape by firelight
Add _romance_ to life tonight
On your Birthday!  Happy Birthday! 

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday!
Indigestion's what you get
From the enemies you 'et
On your Birthday! Happy Birthday!

It's your Birthday!  Happy Birthday!
We love children, yes we do
Baked or broiled or in a stew
On your Birthday! Happy Birthday! 

It's your Birthday!  Happy Birthday!
May your deeds with sword and axe
Equal those with sheep and yaks
On your Birthday!  Happy Birthday! 

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday!
This one lesson you must learn
First you pillage, then you burn
On your Birthday!  Happy Birthday! 

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday!
While you eat your birthday stew
We will loot the town for you,
On your Birthday! Happy Birthday!

It's your Birthday!  Happy Birthday!
We brought linen, white as cloud
The women sit and sew your shroud
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! 

It's your Birthday!  Happy Birthday!
Just be glad the friends you've got
Haven't found out you-know-what
On your Birthday! Happy Birthday! 

It's your Birthday! Happy Birthday!
I'm a leper, can't you see
Have a birthday kiss from me
On your Birthday!  Happy Birthday! 

It's your Birthday!  Happy Birthday!
It's your birthday never fear
You'll be dead this time next year
On your Birthday! Happy Birthday! 

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday!
So far Death you have bypassed
Don't look back, he's gaining fast
On your Birthday!  Happy Birthday! 

It's your Birthday!  Happy Birthday!
You must marry very soon
Baby's due by next full moon
On your Birthday!  Happy Birthday! 

It's your Birthday!  Happy Birthday!
When you've reached this age you know
That the mind is first to go
On your Birthday!  Happy Birthday!
It's your Birthday ! Happy Birthday!
You are very, very old
Soon you will be dead and cold
It's your Birthday  Happy Birthday. Thud.