I’m often out and about on my longboat with my murdering war band. Lately we have been targeting monasteries. Monks are really easy quarry. They never put up much of a fight, are never armed and are always willing to turn the other cheek which we smite mightily. Furthermore monasteries are a great repository for books and learning. Together with the wooden pews this all makes for a good burning. At the end of our pillage me and the lads like to line up the tonsured monks, place a red dot in the centre of their bald pate and then throw darts to see who can hit the spot. Harold ‘The Herald’ is very adept and is usually the first to reach one hundred and eighty. I usually get bored and crush the monk’s heads with a handy sceptre. We often stop off for a bit of light refreshment at the local kebab shop. Costas at Lindisfarne sells great wild boar kebabs and the daintiest of pastries. An absolute steal for 3 groats because we never pay. We usually finish off by burning the place down together with the local real estate agent- there goes the neighbourhood.
The picture: This one was taken just after a brisk discussion with Asmund ‘The Monk.’ I argued that he would be better off writing his books in West Saxon runes rather than Latin which has been a dead language for nearly 400 years. We agreed to disagree and I terminated our discussion by introducing Asmund to my double headed Danish war axe, ‘Twat Cruncher’. Oh we did laugh! Note to self- must buy moustache wax.