This was taken on the beach just outside Dunkirk. In truth, I
wasn't really on holiday as we’d just sacked and burnt the town to the ground.
Pillaging and rapine is not the giggle it used to be. I swear these town’s
people are catching on to us murdering reivers and moving all their valuables
together with their fairest maidens out of town. I ask, is that sporting of
them, or what? Imagine my chagrin when I was accosted by some petty civil
servant upon entering the gates. He had the temerity to ask if I had a ‘permit
of entry’. Where is the civility in that?
I explained, with some justification, that my double headed, Danish, war axe, 'Twat Cruncher' was my permit to do exactly what I liked. But it is no good arguing with ‘jobs
worth’ niggling officials, so I lopped off his ill-favoured bonce, thus
lightening his bureaucratic load. Oh, we did laugh! It now has pride of place on
the great wall of the great hall and serves the practical need of keeping the flies
off the wattle and daub. Any ichor that draineth and drippeth is promptly
lapped up by my faithful wolf, Eingar. ‘Good boy, Eingar.’
And before you ask, I'm the pretty boy in the full faced helm.
Who's the goose-stepping ginger?
ReplyDelete"......and serves the practical need of keeping the flies off the wattle and daub. Any ichor that draineth and drippeth....."
And keeping the flies from the Danish strumpets too no doubt. And since when have the circulatory fluids of a "‘jobs worth’ niggling official" been considered Ichor? I would think 'gleet' more apropos.
This is the very first time I have seen the word "ichor" on the Internet. And the first time I have pixellated "gleet".
It's gonna be a good day!
Ichor and gleet are both fine words but ichor is more appropriate in this instance. Danish women never suffer from the clap you must be confusing them with Jutish whores. Here's a joke for ya; 'How do you get a Jutish woman pregnant? You come on her feet and let the flies do the rest- geddit?' Saucy wench- the ginga is Harold the Herald.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on hitting the first 1,000 reads on this excellent tome. Took me much longer than it did you, you cunt! Mind you, the design could have something to do with it? ;-)
ReplyDelete"......How do you get a Jutish woman pregnant? You come on her feet and let the flies do the rest- geddit?....."
ReplyDeleteErmmmmmm... I think so.
Insect vector?
Does this very interesting sexual reproductive strategy of the Jutish females not presuppose that if a viable pregnancy is to be accomplished, the semen deposited on the dainty trotters be that from a male of the same, or closely related, species? Can Danes impregnate them? Could you?
I've a joke for you. Perhaps you've not already heard it, If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the precipitate.
One thousand reads? I doubt that. One thousand attempted reads, that I can believe. I'm lucky to get two a month o'er my place. The Google Content Warning Page tends to winnow the chaff a fair bit. I like it.
Of course insect vectors are important pollinators in the plant kingdom. I do believe that Drosophila are an important pollinator in homosexuals (geddit?). Anyway your assertion is going from the sublimate to the radicalous. Arse.
DeleteFlaxen Saxon