|Lucky, Gator got him|
Unnerving news from the quaintly unattractive town of
. For today, it can be revealed that Tipton has been harbouring a dangerous enemy within its midst. An evil malingering Japanese sniper has been nestling in the town's capacious bosom and suckling at its expansive teat. It is conjectured that Private Honda Suzuki entered Tipton sometime in 1944 in a midget submarine, which is just as well as he was very small. After navigating the waterways of the West Midlands he alighted in Tipton's sewer system via the Dudley to Tipton canal. Once sequestered in the fetid underground tunnels he quickly gravitated to the stairwell leading directly to Tipton's main thoroughfare. There he set up his sniper position with verve and aplomb. Birmingham
His mission was simply defined: To lie in wait and when the opportunity presented he was expected to lift the man-hole with his cunning inscrutable, sloping forehead. Thereupon he would rest his buck teeth on the metal lip of the hole thus gaining purchase, traction and stability. Henceforth, he would place his thick pebbled glasses atop his retrousse, button nose. Due to his diminutive stature it was necessary for him to perch precariously on a hat box which, when not in use, was secreted within a fold up his small but perfectly formed arse- on the second shelf next to the udon noodles. Suitably imbued he would reach for his Arisaki sniper’s rifle and take pot shots at the passing citizenry. Luckily for the Tiponites, Kendo Origami, like all Japanese snipers, was a very poor shot. No one became enamoured or incapacitated. During his 70 years ingrained within the stygian septic conduit, Yamaha Katana, managed to remain undetected by Tipton passerby's who never guessed that below their feet lurked a loyal soldier of his Imperial Majesty and odious Chief Nip, Hirohito.
The sniper subsisted on a diet comprising/composing entirely of chicken 'fried' nuggets (sans chicken) which alighted in the sewer via the grill after cascading from a cunningly fashioned hole in Mr Khan's deep fat fryer. As you will recall, Mr Khan, of 'Mr Khan's Halal Greasy Food Emporium' had a takeaway poised lasciviously above Tipton's main drain.
|Dem pesky specs|