Friday, 19 September 2014

Tipton to Cede from the Union

One of the rejected flags of the fledgling nation

In a momentous moment in history, the Tiptonites have voted to become independent of the UK. With a record turn out of 3% , 90% of respondents, who exercised their franchise, voted unequivocally for cession from the Union and free pizza.

The key factors in this election have always been freedom from the oligarchical megalithic bureaucracy of the neighbouring superpower encapsulated in Birmingham city (c'mon the baggies) and the abiding issue of free pizza. Mr Salamander, leader of the 'Free Pizza Party', had this to say: "This is a clear mandate from the good burghers of Tipton  (incorporating Netherton North). Our first act as an independent sovereign nation will be to annex the neighbouring boroughs of Dudley and Smethwick East. As always Tiptonites will look to the east, to the vast hinterlands of the disconsolate, desolate urban wastelands of the East Midlands. From now on the Tipton groat will be allied to the Zimbabwean Zim."

Today 1 Tipton groat is worth 50,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 Zim dollars.

It has been proposed that the new Tipton flag will comprise two crossed ferrets on the canton, with steaming faggots rampant on the field, or a black swastika depending on which is easier to manufacture.

When asked about the vexed issue of free pizza, Mr Salamander had this to say: "Er, I intend to hold a referendum on this highly contentious issue sometime in the far future, possibly."

After the election, Mr Scrotum Mugumbo, a life time citizen of Niger, had this to say: "I da vote for dat nice Mr Yamyam who say he give all free fish an chip, an make no mistake, mister. Get into da pot."

Latter today Mr Yamyam, together with the 32 other unsuccessful candidates, were found horribly mutated/mutilated down a disused midden pit. Mr Salamader's newly formed security force, 'The Indiscriminate Killers' ruled the unfortunate incident as an act of God.

From now on Mr Salamander will be addressed as God, by decree:

'Hail Salamander the Lord God of Tipton (incorporating  Netherton North). Kneel before your God, because he is a jealous God. Woe to the West Bromwichites etc........ '       

Scrotum waiting in line to be tossed down the midden pit
At close of post, it has just been announced, that the Tipton groat has at last achieved parity with the Zim dollar. Arrrrrse..........

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