|Mr Mugumbo just before the anal probing|
Shocking news has just emerged from the picturesque black country town of West Dudley. Read on and ponder your existence anew.........
Mr Bibulus Mugumbo (of Dudley West) claimed yesterday, that as he left his local hostelry 'The Felching Ferret' late last Saturday night, he was abducted and thoroughly anally probed by slime producing aliens.
Mr Mugumbo picks up the story with characteristic gusto: "Er, I had just quaffed my sixth pint of creme de menthe extra when I decided to wander outside for some fresh air. As I left the public house my senses became eerily dulled and the world began to spin in a counterclockwise direction. Just before I lost consciousness I became aware of a descending disc surrounded by a pulsing blue light and my ears became assailed by a piercing siren like noise. I surmised later, that the aliens (for it is they) befuddled my wits with ethereal electromagnetic radiation. Unfortunately, on this occasion I had left my flat cap lined with tin foil at home. When I awoke my hands were restrained by alien technology unknown to man. I had been deposited in the hold of an alien space ship which can only be described as a cell. It appeared to teem with strange alien beings uttering incoherent sounds. Occasionally one of the extraterrestrials would gush forth foul fluids. The whole floor was awash with exotic and rancid smelling ichor. It was at this juncture I became aware of sundry deposits in my undergarments. I deduced that this represented frank testament to my own anal probing culminating in the leakage of sundry bodily fluids. As I speak, I fear the aliens are using my semen to impregnate an alien race to produce an invincible army of killer robots. The spacecraft finally landed and disgorged my raddled carcass onto the main Dudley thoroughfare. My head was pounding after my terrible ordeal and I could only relate my heart rending tale after drinking a further 6 pints of creme de menthe extra, whereupon I was promptly abducted by aliens, once again. This will be the twelfth time I have had the distinction and indignity of being abducted by an alien life force called constable"
Mr Mugumbo will appear in the Dudley Magistrates Courts this Tuesday charged with public intoxication. If convicted this will be his twelfth conviction for drink related offenses.
|Artists rendition of the alien|