Vlangerina

Gratuitous, I know

Shock breaking news from ‘Tumbletown’. It has just been announced that Vlad and Tangerina have split after Vlad was allegedly found snorting coke off the breasts of a Dudley hooker (nice work if you can get it).This was the last straw for Tangerina. Vlad’s increasingly wild antics has driven his wife of two months to despair. She waxed lyrical today in a statement: “After much reflection and valium I have taken the decision to disenfranchise myself from Vlad. A sub-conscious uncoupling necessitated by Vlad’s increasing bizarre behaviour and the fact that he's banging cocktail waitresses two at time, sometimes without giving them time to serve his drinks".  

Vlad and Tangerina’s 27 children (sorry, make that 42) are said to be totally bemused as most of them had no idea that Vlad was their father. Huw, Blue, Polly, McGrew, Cuthbert, Dribble and Grub refused to comment today as none of them could speak a word of English.

Vlad  Slaps Pacs 

Inspector, ‘Nipper’ Ferret of the yard has initiated a top level investigation after allegations that Vlad raised his voice to one of the browner of his offspring. At a crisis meeting today, ‘Nipper’ had this to say: “What’s all this ere then. We can’t be having ageing film stars swanning around fornicating with starlets sundry and mildly berating children even if they are darkies. O no, we wont be having it. I’ve already instructed the crack Domestic Meddling Squad to fully investigate these very serious allegations. Rest assured Tipton rate payers, I won’t rest until ridiculous amounts of money are spent on this investigation. And if Vlad is found guilty he will receive the full weight of the judicial system and will become the recipient of mild censure in the popular press and much head waving and tutting from my good self".  

Although Tangerina has made it known that she will apply for sole custody of the children it is fully expected that Vlad will gain access to his kids with names beginning from A to L. However, the possibility that the children will be split according to skin tone cannot be completely ruled out.  

A typical Tipton resident, Mrs Fagend Mugumbo had this to say after being prodded with a taser: “Arrgh, arrgh, it burns, it burns”. Wise words indeed Mrs Mugumbo.

Vlad and Tangerina off to buy another baby