Thursday, 25 December 2014

Merry Christmas, perhaps........




In the spirit of ‘political correctness’ I thought it best to issue a carefully qualified Christmas greeting.
 
From me (“the wisher”) to you (“hereinafter called the wishee”)

Please accept without obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral, celebration of the summer/winter solstice holiday, practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all….. and a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted year 2015 but with due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures or sects, and having regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or dietary preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting you are bound by these terms that:


- This greeting is subject to further clarification or withdrawal. 
- This greeting is freely transferrable provided that no alteration shall be made to the original greeting and that the proprietary rights of the wisher are acknowledged. 
- This greeting implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes. 
- This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain wishes in certain jurisdictions and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. 
- This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably can be expected within the usual application of good tidings, for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting whichever comes first. 
- The wisher warrants this greeting only for the limited replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher. 
- Any reference in this greeting to “the Lord”, “Father Christmas”, “Our Saviour”, or any other festive figures, whether actual or fictitious, dead or alive, shall not imply any endorsement by or from them in respect of this greeting, and all proprietary rights in any referred third party names and images are hereby acknowledged.


 
Ho, fucking Ho……….


Arse


Guess what Flaxen wants for Christmas this year?


Bugger, I bet I get aftershave.... Again. Arse, arse, arse.



8 comments:

  1. And I bet you're off down the beach, you bastard. Arse!

    It's not so much deep and crisp and even here as loud and pissed and fucking raining. Good old England - the only place where the weather comes close to being as shite as New Zealand. The prefueled loons are already passing the window here to get to the pub. I'm really glad I'm getting on a bit because I'm firmly convinced the world is going to shit in a shoebox and thankfully I'll be dead soon...

    Happy days.

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    1. I see you are full of Christmas cheer Mr D. I have to agree about the bloody New Zealand weather though.......

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  2. Happy Christmas to you and yours, don't get sunburn ;)

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    1. No sunburn today, Kath. Overcast with a slight drizzle. Bloody shame as yesterday was sunny and 26 degrees. Christmas dinner soon, then off to the deck to enjoy a cigar and beer with my son.

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  3. Bugger, I got aftershave and socks. Arse.

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    1. Aftershave? Your picture suggests you haven't seen a razor (other than for self-defence, of course) since puberty... ;-)

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    2. Indeed Ted, now you know why I'm pissed off.

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    3. A good inventive Saxon would add a measure of aftershave to liven up his mead, surely?

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