Wednesday, 27 August 2014

Another Celebrity Pervert Revealed

Mr Vowel prior to his public hanging
Flaxen Saxon investigative reporter extraordinaire excels in his civic duty to apprise the good burghers of Tipton of the shocking news of yet another 'celebrity' pervert within our civic midst. It has been revealed that the incumbent Mayor, Mr Enoch Vowel, engaged in a lewd act (allegedly) 60 years ago whilst a pupil at Tipton Infant School. Miss Edith Mugumbo recalls the incident as if it was 59 years ago. In her own words: “I was making sand castles in the sand pit and distinctly recall Mr Vowel looking at me in a lewd manner and screaming ‘ I pooed my pants and want my momma’.  I am traumatised beyond belief and have been undergoing intense ‘behavioural therapy’ in order to rectify the intense psychological damage I have undergone. It is my fervent hope that the Tipton constabulary allow the local press to vilely and persecute this man on the basis of my sole testamony. And moreover, I won’t rest until a substantial amount of money is paid directly into my Bermuda bank account."
Mr Vowel was unavailable for comment and is believed to have fled to the neighbouring borough of Dudley. Tipton does not hold a reciprocal extradition treaty with the sovereign town of Dudley.

Mrs Mugumbo's ferret 'Shagger'- in repose

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