Monday, 12 May 2014

The Isle of Pines should burn well, don't you think?

'Hey, has anyone seen my Bermuda shorts?'

For those who care, posting might be intermittant for the next 8 days. I have decided, after much contemplation, to take my mistress, Brynhildr on a cruise to the South Pacific on a rather long, long boat. As expected my wife, Edith 'Swan Neck' is none too pleased. I tried to explain, that as king and a lusty murdering 9th century barbarian I can do what pleases me the most. This argument was met with a stony stare. So, we set off from Sydney and sail unto the blue yonder. Any islands in our path will plundered, as we find them.

I'm hoping to spread Saxon culture to the poor savages whose islands we alight. Those priveleged thus, will be exposed to my fickle benevolence/malevolence. Culture will be dispensed throughout through the medium of my axe, Twat Cruncher' and my sword, 'Arse Big Fat Arse, Biter.' Western civilisation has always been spread this way and I'm a stickler for precedent.

So, while I'm away: Be true to yourself and love the women you lie with. Trust no one and take heed of genetic testing on your supposed offspring. Remember, bastards are everywhere and the illegitimate can be numbered 1 in 10; tis a wise father who knows his son.

As for the rest: Burn, plunder and slay, as is your wont. Be fickle and exercise your whims according to caprice. If all else fails, burn stuff. It works for me.

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